Marriage: We're Headed in the Wrong Direction!

(This is part 4 of 6. Please refer to my first post in this series before reading this one)

Up to this point, I've discussed what happens in a marriage without direction and what happens when both husband and wife are fighting for the steering wheel. I've established that God has appointed the husband to take on the leadership role in a marriage and it is the wife's responsibility to submit to his leadership.

But what happens if dear ol' hubby is steering the marriage towards destruction? Suddenly this whole headship/submission thing gets reeeal tricky. There are a couple of situations in which this can arise.

1) Hubby is not a Christian: -this is why Jesus made it explicitly clear that people should never marry a non-Christian. A husband who does not believe in Christ is not following the same moral code as his Christian wife. Therefore, if she allows him to lead her, she may end up being led down a path contrary to her beliefs.

2) Hubby is not listening to God: -much like an unbelieving husband, a sinful husband can lead his wife down the wrong path if he chooses to ignore God's will and begins leading out of selfishness.

The important thing here for a wife to remember is that her first commitment is to God. She is asked to trust her husband's lead only so long as he is not leading her in a direction contrary to God's will. However, wives must make the careful distinction between sinful direction and undesirable direction. Just because she doesn't like the way her husband is leading, does not necessarily mean he's leading her in the wrong direction.

The important thing for husbands to remember is that they aren't Top Dog in this relationship. It is the husband's responsibilty to ensure he is leading himself and his wife towards God. Dear Ol' Hubby must answer to God for every decision he makes in the marital relationship. If God has blessed him with a submissive wife, he needs to ensure he is seeking God's direction for the relationship before making decisions. Husbands are biblically bound to be protectors and providers for their wives... this means more than just the physical sense. Husbands should protect their wives emotions and spirits as well, and should be providing them with spiritual direction and emotional reassurance. Women may envy men's leadership role, however many do not realize just how much responsibility comes with the role. There is a pretty hefty job description to go along with the title of "Head of Household".

So what's a woman to do if she finds herself being led in the wrong direction by her husband? Well, to be honest, it very much depends on how dire the situation is. The solution may be as simple as her calmly correcting her husband and making him aware of the error in his decision (as would be the case if hubby wanted lie on the couple's taxes). However, at times the danger of his chosen path can be so imminent that she has no choice but to bail out before she gets destroyed along with the marriage (as would be the case in an abusive relationship). The key is to match the extremity of your reaction to the urgency of the situation. Don't file for divorce because hubby is cheating at poker. And don't stick around trying to be calmly submissive to a man who is beating you up physically and emotionally. Find the right balance between his actions and your reactions.

I must admit that I do find it very difficult to distinguish the difference between the "wrong" (sinful) direction and hubby's "detours" (i.e. not where I want to go, but not necessarily a bad direction). I am very quick to stomp on the brakes and attempt to take over when hubby tries to lead me in a direction I'm not interested in going. It scares me to trust a person to take me in a direction I hadn't planned on going... even if that person is my husband. I am slowly learning to let him take the paths he feels are best for our marriage. He's still an imperfect person and will make mistakes. When the occasion arises where his path needs to be corrected, I need to be humble enough to gently correct him instead of taking over and condemning him for getting us off track. I'm not perfect either. If sole leadership was left up to me, I'm sure I'd take some wrong turns along the way too.

Tomorrow we'll be looking at what happens women take the leadership role in marriage. Is it really so bad? What if she's a better leader than he is? What if he isn't even interested in being a leader? It's the 21st Century! Shouldn't we be celebrating "girl power" rather than reverting back to rules set thousands of years ago??