Marriage: Striking a Balance

(This is part 6 of 6 of this series. Please refer to the first post prior to reading this one)

For this past week we've been exploring marriage and the different dynamics that can occur in a marital relationship. We've established that God's model for marriage--man as head of household--is the best model. However, what does a healthy marriage look like when it follows this model? What is the delicate balance that must be maintained so that the husband can be respected as the authority, but not feared as an authoritarian? How can the wife contribute and have a say in her marriage while still being submissive?

The important thing to remember is that marriage is 51/49. The man does not hold 100% of the power, while the woman has none. No, the wife still holds a great deal of power in a marriage and her input is vital to its survival. However, when it comes down to a deadlock and a decision must be made, the husband has the power to make the final decision. The wife must respect this decision-making power, and not attempt a hostile takeover just so she can have final say on something. Unless the husband is making a sinful, morally wrong, or dangerous decision, the wife should trust him and follow his lead.

What does a good leader look like? What are the husband's responsibilities as head of household?

1) Christ is his example: -a husband must lead his wife like Christ would. His decisions should be Godly--compassionate and selfless.

2) Good Leaders Serve: -a husband must have a servant's heart and help his wife in any way he can.

3) Delegation According to Gifts: -a husband would be wise to delegate responsibilities to his wife that allow her to use and hone her gifts (i.e. if she's an organized, financially savvy wife--perhaps she should be in charge of the house's finances while hubby supervises and helps where he can)

4) Listen: -wise leaders listen to the counsel of those around them. A husband should listen to his wife's needs and desires. She has a 49% stake in this marriage and it cannot succeed without her.

5) Protect and Provide: -a husband should protect his wife's physical, spiritual, emotional, and psychological well-being by providing for her needs in each of those areas.

6) Good Father: -leads his family in Christ.

What does a good wife look like? What are her responsibilities? (See Proverbs 31:10-31)

1) Godly character: -she should be selfless and compassionate

2) Wise: -makes good decisions and gives good counsel to her husband

3) Financially Frugal: -manages the household finances wisely

4) Good Mother: -raises her children up in God.

5) Trustworthy: -her husband has complete confidence in her as she has proven herself to be a Godly, wise woman.

6) Humble: -allows her husband to have leadership role.

7) Hard-working: -she does her best each day to contribute to the relationship/household in any way she can.

When you look at the above lists, it becomes apparent that husbands and wives have very similar expectations placed upon them. They are expected to live Godly lives, serve each other selflessly, and make good decisions. The only difference is, men have been given the extra authority because God has gifted them in this area and, well, someone had to have final authority when disagreements happen to arise. It's not like democracy works well when there are only two people voting!

I think I hate the word "submit" more than I happen to disagree with it. I understand that someone has to yield to the other when there is a disagreement and no compromise can be reached. It's selfish of me to believe I should never have to yield. On the other hand, if my husband is living a Godly life and being the leader God wants him to be, I should have no fear in submitting to him... after all, he will have my best interests in mind and will be ultimately leading us to a healthier, Godlier marriage.

People are imperfect, selfish beings. Because of this, the headship/submission model for marriage has gotten a bad reputation due to those imperfect, selfish beings trying to look out for #1 instead of humbly serving their spouse. However, when both husband and wife live up to the expectations God has of them, headship/submission is a harmonious relationship and the foundation for a healthy marriage.

I'm slowly learning this. I'll let you know when God has perfected this model in our marriage. We falter and we fail. Both my husband and I struggle with our own selfishness. But we're growing. Our marriage is progressing. We're learning. The goal is that our marriage is better today than it was yesterday. The goal is to move forward in Christ and let our marriage and love for one another serve as an example of what God can really do in two sinful, imperfect, selfish people.

All the best!