Anniversary Celebration

Today my husband and I celebrate our fourth anniversary! I wanted to take a quick break from the Romans series to dedicate a post to my husband. Today's Bible verses come from the heart-fluttering pages of Song of Solomon (chapters 1 and 2):

 ² Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— 

       for your love is more delightful than wine.

 ³ Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; 

       your name is like perfume poured out. 

       No wonder the maidens love you!

 ⁴ Take me away with you—let us hurry! 

       Let the king bring me into his chambers...

 ¹⁶ How handsome you are, my lover! 

       Oh, how charming! 

       And our bed is verdant...

³ Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest 

       is my lover among the young men. 

       I delight to sit in his shade, 

       and his fruit is sweet to my taste.

 ⁴ He has taken me to the banquet hall, 

       and his banner over me is love...

 ⁶ His left arm is under my head, 

       and his right arm embraces me...

¹⁰ My lover spoke and said to me, 

       "Arise, my darling, 

       my beautiful one, and come with me.

 ¹¹ See! The winter is past; 

       the rains are over and gone.

 ¹² Flowers appear on the earth; 

       the season of singing has come, 

       the cooing of doves 

       is heard in our land...

¹⁶ My lover is mine and I am his

Whew, is it getting hot in here? Who knew the Bible could be so sexy?! I am so thankful to God for giving me my wonderful husband. He is an amazing man, and I love him dearly. While we're both Stumblers and we are prone to making mistakes, we support one another in our walk to Christ... and this journey is always better when there's someone to come along with you!


I want to dedicate this post to my husband, my marriage, and to the God who makes all things possible. I pray that we have many more years together and that we would be continually growing as people, as spouses, and as a couple. Darling Husband, if you're reading this, I love you with all my heart. I hope our marriage will always be improving--every day better than the last--so that we can have a "Song of Solomon" kind of Love. 


I also pray that God would bless you, dear reader, in your relationships. Whether you're married, going to get married someday, or are committed to remaining single; it is my prayer that God would make His love very real to you and support you in cultivating meaningful relationships. 


This Stumbler is holding hands with her Hubby in her Walk. May we always be there to help each other up when one of us trips. 

Marriage: Striking a Balance

(This is part 6 of 6 of this series. Please refer to the first post prior to reading this one)

For this past week we've been exploring marriage and the different dynamics that can occur in a marital relationship. We've established that God's model for marriage--man as head of household--is the best model. However, what does a healthy marriage look like when it follows this model? What is the delicate balance that must be maintained so that the husband can be respected as the authority, but not feared as an authoritarian? How can the wife contribute and have a say in her marriage while still being submissive?

The important thing to remember is that marriage is 51/49. The man does not hold 100% of the power, while the woman has none. No, the wife still holds a great deal of power in a marriage and her input is vital to its survival. However, when it comes down to a deadlock and a decision must be made, the husband has the power to make the final decision. The wife must respect this decision-making power, and not attempt a hostile takeover just so she can have final say on something. Unless the husband is making a sinful, morally wrong, or dangerous decision, the wife should trust him and follow his lead.

What does a good leader look like? What are the husband's responsibilities as head of household?

1) Christ is his example: -a husband must lead his wife like Christ would. His decisions should be Godly--compassionate and selfless.

2) Good Leaders Serve: -a husband must have a servant's heart and help his wife in any way he can.

3) Delegation According to Gifts: -a husband would be wise to delegate responsibilities to his wife that allow her to use and hone her gifts (i.e. if she's an organized, financially savvy wife--perhaps she should be in charge of the house's finances while hubby supervises and helps where he can)

4) Listen: -wise leaders listen to the counsel of those around them. A husband should listen to his wife's needs and desires. She has a 49% stake in this marriage and it cannot succeed without her.

5) Protect and Provide: -a husband should protect his wife's physical, spiritual, emotional, and psychological well-being by providing for her needs in each of those areas.

6) Good Father: -leads his family in Christ.

What does a good wife look like? What are her responsibilities? (See Proverbs 31:10-31)

1) Godly character: -she should be selfless and compassionate

2) Wise: -makes good decisions and gives good counsel to her husband

3) Financially Frugal: -manages the household finances wisely

4) Good Mother: -raises her children up in God.

5) Trustworthy: -her husband has complete confidence in her as she has proven herself to be a Godly, wise woman.

6) Humble: -allows her husband to have leadership role.

7) Hard-working: -she does her best each day to contribute to the relationship/household in any way she can.

When you look at the above lists, it becomes apparent that husbands and wives have very similar expectations placed upon them. They are expected to live Godly lives, serve each other selflessly, and make good decisions. The only difference is, men have been given the extra authority because God has gifted them in this area and, well, someone had to have final authority when disagreements happen to arise. It's not like democracy works well when there are only two people voting!

I think I hate the word "submit" more than I happen to disagree with it. I understand that someone has to yield to the other when there is a disagreement and no compromise can be reached. It's selfish of me to believe I should never have to yield. On the other hand, if my husband is living a Godly life and being the leader God wants him to be, I should have no fear in submitting to him... after all, he will have my best interests in mind and will be ultimately leading us to a healthier, Godlier marriage.

People are imperfect, selfish beings. Because of this, the headship/submission model for marriage has gotten a bad reputation due to those imperfect, selfish beings trying to look out for #1 instead of humbly serving their spouse. However, when both husband and wife live up to the expectations God has of them, headship/submission is a harmonious relationship and the foundation for a healthy marriage.

I'm slowly learning this. I'll let you know when God has perfected this model in our marriage. We falter and we fail. Both my husband and I struggle with our own selfishness. But we're growing. Our marriage is progressing. We're learning. The goal is that our marriage is better today than it was yesterday. The goal is to move forward in Christ and let our marriage and love for one another serve as an example of what God can really do in two sinful, imperfect, selfish people.

All the best!

Marriage: Girl Power?

(This is part 5 of 6. Please refer to my first post in this series before reading the following)

We're nearing the end of our marriage series exploring the different relationship dynamics that can occur in a marriage and how they compare to God's plan for marriage. God's plan involves appointing husbands to the leadership role, and wives to the submissive role. However, our plan doesn't always follow God's plan too well. We've explored what happens when no one leads, when both fight to lead, when men lead poorly, and today we're going to look at what happens when women lead the marriage.

I think the first question we have to ask is why is the woman leading? There are a variety of reasons why a woman might step up to the role of headship in a marriage:
1) She wants to lead: -Many women desire to be take the lead and have trouble taking direction from others. This may be due to a lack of trust or an excess of pride.
2) She has to lead: -Hubby isn't taking on the role and someone has to step up and give the marriage direction
3) She's better at leading: -Hubby is the passive type or is making poor decisions. He's delegated the role of leader to his wife.

In general, I would say that women often pry leadership away from their husbands (myself included!). Sometimes men step aside quietly to avoid a fight, other times women just happen to win the tug-of-war. Either way, it's not a healthy position for a marriage to be in.

But why? Times have changed since the Bible was written! Women are educated, have equal rights, and have a voice in today's society! Why shouldn't they have the right to lead their marriage as well? Well, most days a marriage is at balance and the couple are heading forward in mutual agreement. Problems arise, however, when the couple disagrees on an issue. Someone has to give in and yield to the other. It's a necessary fact of conflict resolution. God has appointed women to be humble and trust their husband's decision on spiritually neutral issues they disagree on, and therefore yield to their husbands when disagreements arise.

I have a hard time with this too. Don't think I'm a perfect, quiet, submissive wife; humbly yielding to her husband's will. Nuh uh. I'm a feminist. I fight for women's rights and equality. I like to have my say--and my way! However, I have come to learn through my experience that equal does not mean identical. Men and women are equal. This is made clear in the Bible when it says "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." (Galatians 3:28 NIV). But equal does not mean they are the same. Obviously there are significant differences between males and females, and with those differences come different roles.

Men are meant to lead, but they have been so emasculated by today's society that they either don't know how to lead anymore, or they are afraid to lead for fear of looking like a sexist jerk. Women have come to think that they have the right to trample on men--and God help the man who tries to protest.

Have you ever met a severely hen-pecked man? A man whose wife has taken complete control away from him? It's as though she's ripped his very soul out! He is a sad, lifeless, shell of a man. For men, the opportunity to lead--to be able to feel needed, to protect his family, to have a say in how his family is run--is his lifeblood. It's what makes him feel like a man. And women need to love their husbands enough to let them have this.

Now, this is not to say a woman needs to hand complete control over to her husband and never have a say in her marriage. A good leader will always ask for direction from his closest advisors, and a great leader will find ways for his followers to grow, flourish, and use their gifts... but more on that tomorrow (we'll be exploring the perfect balance in marriage!)

The important thing is, a wife needs to be willing to relinquish the "steering wheel" to her husband. Some husbands will gratefully take over and drive the marriage like a pro once given the opportunity. Others, however, will need a little extra help. Some men have had the steering wheel ripped from their hands so often and for so long, they no longer know how to drive. In this case, women will have to find ways to help re-train their husbands on the art of leading.

How can a wife do this? Well, she can encourage him in small ways to make decisions and praise him for the decisions he makes. She can submit to him on issues he feels passionately about (as long as his decision is not sinful).

There are special circumstances out there where men absolutely refuse to lead. Sometimes it is necessary for the woman to take over leadership responsibilities for the sake of the marriage. However, we must be careful to make sure that the man absolutely has no desire to lead and is expressly delegating leadership responsibilities to his wife, whom he believes to be more skilled. If a man is refusing out of laziness, he is sinning. If he is refusing out of fear of his wife, his wife has been sinning.

The point is, God wants husbands to be leaders in their families. It is a husband's responsibility to ensure he is leading in accordance with God's will, and it is a wife's responsibility to encourage her husband's growth as a leader, and to have the humility to yield to him on decisions. She can voice her opinion still. She is still his equal. Her role appointed by God in marriage may be different than her husband's, but it is still of equal importance.

While I know I still struggle a great deal with the idea of submiting to my husband ("submit" has long been a profane and painful word in my ears...), I want to try my best to not only allow my husband to lead, protect, and provide for me... I want to be the wife who encourages him to do so. I want to make sure I do everything in my power to help him become the man God wants him to be... and I know from reading His Word, that God does indeed want my husband to be a leader in our marriage.



Tomorrow we'll look at what a balanced marriage looks like. What does it truly mean for a husband to lead? How can a wife be submissive without feeling inferior?

Marriage: We're Headed in the Wrong Direction!

(This is part 4 of 6. Please refer to my first post in this series before reading this one)

Up to this point, I've discussed what happens in a marriage without direction and what happens when both husband and wife are fighting for the steering wheel. I've established that God has appointed the husband to take on the leadership role in a marriage and it is the wife's responsibility to submit to his leadership.

But what happens if dear ol' hubby is steering the marriage towards destruction? Suddenly this whole headship/submission thing gets reeeal tricky. There are a couple of situations in which this can arise.

1) Hubby is not a Christian: -this is why Jesus made it explicitly clear that people should never marry a non-Christian. A husband who does not believe in Christ is not following the same moral code as his Christian wife. Therefore, if she allows him to lead her, she may end up being led down a path contrary to her beliefs.

2) Hubby is not listening to God: -much like an unbelieving husband, a sinful husband can lead his wife down the wrong path if he chooses to ignore God's will and begins leading out of selfishness.

The important thing here for a wife to remember is that her first commitment is to God. She is asked to trust her husband's lead only so long as he is not leading her in a direction contrary to God's will. However, wives must make the careful distinction between sinful direction and undesirable direction. Just because she doesn't like the way her husband is leading, does not necessarily mean he's leading her in the wrong direction.

The important thing for husbands to remember is that they aren't Top Dog in this relationship. It is the husband's responsibilty to ensure he is leading himself and his wife towards God. Dear Ol' Hubby must answer to God for every decision he makes in the marital relationship. If God has blessed him with a submissive wife, he needs to ensure he is seeking God's direction for the relationship before making decisions. Husbands are biblically bound to be protectors and providers for their wives... this means more than just the physical sense. Husbands should protect their wives emotions and spirits as well, and should be providing them with spiritual direction and emotional reassurance. Women may envy men's leadership role, however many do not realize just how much responsibility comes with the role. There is a pretty hefty job description to go along with the title of "Head of Household".

So what's a woman to do if she finds herself being led in the wrong direction by her husband? Well, to be honest, it very much depends on how dire the situation is. The solution may be as simple as her calmly correcting her husband and making him aware of the error in his decision (as would be the case if hubby wanted lie on the couple's taxes). However, at times the danger of his chosen path can be so imminent that she has no choice but to bail out before she gets destroyed along with the marriage (as would be the case in an abusive relationship). The key is to match the extremity of your reaction to the urgency of the situation. Don't file for divorce because hubby is cheating at poker. And don't stick around trying to be calmly submissive to a man who is beating you up physically and emotionally. Find the right balance between his actions and your reactions.

I must admit that I do find it very difficult to distinguish the difference between the "wrong" (sinful) direction and hubby's "detours" (i.e. not where I want to go, but not necessarily a bad direction). I am very quick to stomp on the brakes and attempt to take over when hubby tries to lead me in a direction I'm not interested in going. It scares me to trust a person to take me in a direction I hadn't planned on going... even if that person is my husband. I am slowly learning to let him take the paths he feels are best for our marriage. He's still an imperfect person and will make mistakes. When the occasion arises where his path needs to be corrected, I need to be humble enough to gently correct him instead of taking over and condemning him for getting us off track. I'm not perfect either. If sole leadership was left up to me, I'm sure I'd take some wrong turns along the way too.

Tomorrow we'll be looking at what happens women take the leadership role in marriage. Is it really so bad? What if she's a better leader than he is? What if he isn't even interested in being a leader? It's the 21st Century! Shouldn't we be celebrating "girl power" rather than reverting back to rules set thousands of years ago??

Marriage: Fighting Over the Steering Wheel

(Part 3 of 6. Please refer to post number one to understand the context in which I'm writing)

ME: You know hubby, I think we should go to the park today (grabs steering wheel)
HUBBY: Uuuuuh, no. I'm taking us to the forest today (tightens his grip on the steering wheel)
ME: Hubby, sweetie, I would really rather go to the park (tightens her grip on the steering wheel)
HUBBY: Wife, darling, I've already planned to take us to the forest (knuckles turn white as he clenches the steering wheel)
ME: Well, that's too bad, I'm taking us to the park (yanks the steering wheel in her direction, the car swerves violently)
HUBBY: No! I said we're going to the forest (jerks the steering wheel back in his direction, the car swerves violently)
ME: No, Park! (Yank, SWERVE, side-swipes a "CAUTION" sign)
HUBBY: Forest! (Yank, SWERVE, fish-tails and nearly goes into the ditch)
ME: PARK! (Yank, SWERVE)
HUBBY: FOREST!! (Yank, SWERVE) ...

No, this didn't actually happen as written. Please don't report us to the cops for dangerous driving! The above was another parable for our life. Yesterday I wrote about what happens when no one takes hold of the wheel and the marriage is left without anyone giving it direction. While this often happens when the husband is unsure of how to lead, or it is an area he doesn't want to lead, there are other times when the husband is confident and indeed has the desire to lead.... unfortunately, sometimes the wife as just as much confidence and desire to lead and doesn't really want hubby to take over!

With spiritually neutral issues on which hubby and wife have taken opposite sides, you know that someone has to give. It just so happens that God has appointed the wife to take on this responsibility, when required. I don't know about you, but I am one wife that cringes at the thought of "giving in" on issues hubby and I butt heads on. I know I'm right, darn it, and he should see it my way! (All the while he's thinking, "I know I'm right! Why doesn't she see it my way?")

If neither spouse submits to the other, it will be like the above parable where both parties fight over the steering wheel---determined to steer the car in their direction, regardless of the danger they're putting themselves and their spouse in! It's as dangerous as taking a "hands-off" approach to marriage... either way, the marriage is not getting the direction it needs and it will inevitably crash and burn. If the wife (I) have this perspective in mind, it may make it easier for me to let go and let my husband steer the marriage the direction he he sees best. After all, I'm not really "losing" the fight if submitting allows our marriage to stay on track and heading forward, am I?

This, however, is MUCH easier said than done. It requires me to swallow my pride (which I have a lot of, so it doesn't always go down so smoothly... I often choke on it) and trust my husband (which I am also not very good at. If you want something done right, you do it yourself, right?). This is still very much a work in progress for me. It is so difficult for me to humble myself and take a step back. It's almost painful.

The point is, someone has to step back. God has asked that I, as the wife, do so. So, like it or not, I'm going to have to make an effort to learn how to relinquish command in areas that my husband has made a decision to take us in a different direction than I want. It's his God-given right to lead this family. I need to trust that, just ahead of my husband, God is beckoning and leading us both.

There are several scary questions that come up in relation to this: What if hubby is leading in the wrong (sinful) direction, or steering us off a cliff? Does this mean wives can't have a say in anything? Does this mean hubby gets his way all the time?

I will address these questions in the upcoming blog posts, so stay tuned!

Marriage: When No One Steers

"Look Ma! No hands!"

My last post addressed the Biblical perspective of a man and a woman's role in a marriage. The next few blog posts will be mostly anecdotal (this one included), so please make sure you take a look at the first post before reading on.

So, we know that God intended for men to take the lead in marriage. But what happens when women willingly offer to let their husbands drive the marriage, and the men don't step up? As I said in my first post, I've been somewhat of a pendulum when it comes to marriage leadership. My main problem is that in certain areas, I want complete control. In other areas I want him to have complete control. The pendulum sways back and forth and thus my poor husband ends up confused as to what he's supposed to do at any given point.

The main area that I always believed and desired my husband to be leading in was the Spiritual department. When I was young, I had envisioned for myself a husband to act as a pastor to me, to pray with and for me. A husband who would take the initiative to lead family Bible studies and would be the first one out of bed on Sundays encouraging everyone else to get ready and get enthusiastic for church. Unfortunately... I think I forgot to give my husband the memo on that one before we got married.

So the parable of our life would go something like this:

ME: (driver's seat) Aaaah, I love driving.
HUSBAND: You know, I'd kinda like to drive for the next stretch
ME: NO! MINE!
HUSBAND: Eee.. okay, I don't want to fight with you. You can keep driving...

(A while down the road)

ME: (still in driver's seat) Oh! There's a spiritual matter up ahead! I don't want to drive through this!
(Takes her hands off the wheel)
HUSBAND: What? I don't know how to drive through the next section. You've always liked driving and now you suddenly want me to take over for the hardest part? Nuh uh, I don't think so.
ME: I am not putting my hands back on this wheel for this section! I'm waiting for you to drive!
HUSBAND: ZzzzzzZZZzzzzzzZZZzzzz
ME: (hands still up in the air, looking expectantly and anxiously at her husband)

SIGN: CAUTION: Cliff Ahead.

ME: (refusing to put hands back on the steering wheel)

Ok, it's a silly little tale, but it pretty much encapsulates what happens when no one drives--whether its in spiritual matters, financial matters, or anything else. The relationship is being set up for disaster, and even though you can see it coming, if both parties refuse to steer, you're going to crash and burn. For a while, this is what happened in my relationship. I just plain took my hands of the wheel when it came to spiritual matters and waited for my husband to chauffeur me to God. What happened instead was I became apathetic in my relationship with God and took no responsibility for it at all.

The fact of the matter is, if I haven't been letting my husband steer at all up to this point, I can't just take my hands off the wheel in the middle of driving and expect him to immediately take over. I need to slowly hand it over to him. In addition to this, I am not void of responsibility after relinquishing the driver's seat. I am still responsible for my own spiritual growth an well-being. I need to take the initiative to ensure things are headed in the right direction.
I am still responsible to make my contributions to the relationship and to take care of my own obligations. If I'm not praying or getting myself out of bed for church on Sundays, no amount of leadership from my husband is going to get my spiritual life in order.

The same is true for other marital issues. If we were to look at this from a financial standpoint the key factors hold true. If I've been taking care of finances the whole time and I suddenly decide I want hubby to take control, I can't just throw my hands up in the air and stop paying bills, stop going to work, etc and expect him to know how to immediately take over. I need to slowly usher him in. However, even if hubby is and always has been leading financial matters in the house, this does not dissolve me of all responsibility. I still need to make sure I am contributing (either by having a job of my own, or by taking care of the house as a stay-at-home-wife). I also need to make sure I am prudent with my own spending.

All in all, I have learned that I can't just take my hands off the wheel at a whim and expect hubby to immediately jump into the driver's seat. While this is the case in my marriage, some marriages have had no one driving right from day one. This is just as dangerous and also gets you no where. A marriage can not be left without a driver. It needs to be constantly steered in the right direction, or it will quickly get off track.

I've made the mistake of hogging the steering wheel. So once I decided to relinquish it, I now have the added responsibility of helping my husband into the driver's seat. How can I help my husband make this transition? How can I encourage his leadership?

1) Offer my advice: -leaders don't lead alone. They often need to consult with others to decide how best to proceed.
2) Pray: -I can pray for my husband-- that God will equip him to be a good leader, and that God will equip me to be humble.
3) Contribute my talents: -leaders are wise to delegate some responsibilities to those who are gifted. So, for example, if I am good with money and organization, perhaps hubby would delegate keeping our finances in order to me. However, he'd still be there to supervise, help, guide, and encourage.
4) Encourage: -find ways for hubby to take the lead and encourage him in it. Praise him for a job well done (i.e. getting the Bible out, handing it to him, and asking him if he'd mind reading it to me. )
5) Allow him to make mistakes: -everyone has to make mistakes every once and a while. In addition to this, what I may view as a "mistake" from my perspective, might not be a mistake at all. I need to learn to sit back and let him make the final decision when we come to a fork-in-the-road. If his way actually ends up being a mistake, he'll learn from it. This is a very tough one for me as this is the BIG area that requires me to yield to his leadership. All of the above points allow me to do something. This point requires I don't do something. Notice that yielding comes after all other steps. Putting my hands up in the air is not a good first step, but taking my hands off the wheel is a necessary last step.

Tomorrow we'll explore what happens when that last step doesn't happen.

Marriage: Who Gets the Steering Wheel?

"...the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior." Ephesians 5:23

There are many verses in the Bible that describe the relationship between a husband and a wife. I have to admit, I am often very conflicted when it comes to my role in my marriage. There are times when I have no problem with--and in fact actually fully desire--my husband taking on the leadership role in our marriage. There are other times, however, when I would really rather I have full control and resent any attempt on my husband's part to play leader.

Since this is such a complicated issue, I will be exploring this topic over the course of a few days. I will be looking at:

1) Who Gets the Steering Wheel? - a look at what the Bible says about marital relationships.

2) When No One Steers: -what if the wife is leaving the leadership role open, but hubby doesn't step up?

3) Fighting Over the Steering Wheel-what happens when husband and wife fight for leadership?

4) Steering in the Wrong Direction! - what happens if hubby is making the wrong decisions?

5) Wrong Driver? -what happens when wife takes over?

6) He Steers, She Navigates: -striking a balance in marriage

So, today is day #1. While I'm sure many of you are familiar with what the Bible has to say about marriage and marital roles, there are still many who are not so familiar or never really paid attention to it. As I have already admitted, I have a difficult time with some of the things the Bible says about marriage and the role of women. I am honestly not sure what to take at face value and what has changed with time. For example, women in Biblical times were not educated, so it made sense for them to be told not to speak in church... but that doesn't really make sense anymore as women have gained the right and access to education, so their words can carry the same wisdom as a man's.

Secondly, pretty much ALL of what is written in the New Testament concerning marriage was written by single men. While these men were chosen by God to be among the first followers of Christ, I cannot help but think that they were still human, and as such, fallible. They laid out rules for a relationship they had no experience in. However, while these men were fallible, their words are in the Bible, which is said to be the infallible Word of God. Ultimately, I am still unsure about New Testament views on marriage. I think this is important for you to know before I get into this series, as my doubt over this core issue may effect my interpretations of the Bible. As such, you, dear reader, need to approach this series with your critical thinking cap on and make your own assessments of my analyses. For the sake of clarity, I will present Biblical views at face-value. I will share my struggles in certain areas, but I will default to trusting the Bible as being the higher authority on the matter, despite my reservations.

The most notable verses on marriage roles include:

"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (NIV)

"A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives." 1 Corinthians 7:39 (NIV)

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior." Ephesians 5:21-23 (NIV)

"...husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:28-33

"Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them." Colossians 3:19

"1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.


7Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." 1 Peter 3:1-7

What have I gleaned from these verses?

-Marriage is a lifelong commitment
-Husbands are the authority figure in marriage (NOT authoritarian)
-Husbands must protect their wife's spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental well-being
-Wives must lift their husbands up through their respect, reverence to God, and purity
-Both husbands and wives are responsible to satisfy each other's needs
-Both husbands and wives have equal right to God's grace

So what does this mean? This means that husbands have been appointed head of household within their marriages. However, this appointment comes with a tremendous responsibility. Husbands are to be to their wives, what Christ is to the Church. This does not mean men are to be "gods" to their wives or "lord over" them. This means husbands are to look to Christ's example and lead their households accordingly; making Godly decisions and loving their wives.

This doesn't mean that women are free from responsibility, however. There is a mutuality in a marriage relationship. While men and women are given different roles, they are still both expected to contribute to the relationship.

I hope you'll come along with me as I explore different dynamics that can result when men and women misunderstand their roles and the beauty of what can happen when they strike the right balance. As I've said before, I am an imperfect person... and my imperfections are never more clear than when I explore my relationships with others. I'm hoping that by exploring this topic myself, I will find a way to strike that perfect balance in my own marriage and I will learn not to be so skeptical of the Bible in this matter.

Until tomorrow!