Marriage: Fighting Over the Steering Wheel

(Part 3 of 6. Please refer to post number one to understand the context in which I'm writing)

ME: You know hubby, I think we should go to the park today (grabs steering wheel)
HUBBY: Uuuuuh, no. I'm taking us to the forest today (tightens his grip on the steering wheel)
ME: Hubby, sweetie, I would really rather go to the park (tightens her grip on the steering wheel)
HUBBY: Wife, darling, I've already planned to take us to the forest (knuckles turn white as he clenches the steering wheel)
ME: Well, that's too bad, I'm taking us to the park (yanks the steering wheel in her direction, the car swerves violently)
HUBBY: No! I said we're going to the forest (jerks the steering wheel back in his direction, the car swerves violently)
ME: No, Park! (Yank, SWERVE, side-swipes a "CAUTION" sign)
HUBBY: Forest! (Yank, SWERVE, fish-tails and nearly goes into the ditch)
ME: PARK! (Yank, SWERVE)
HUBBY: FOREST!! (Yank, SWERVE) ...

No, this didn't actually happen as written. Please don't report us to the cops for dangerous driving! The above was another parable for our life. Yesterday I wrote about what happens when no one takes hold of the wheel and the marriage is left without anyone giving it direction. While this often happens when the husband is unsure of how to lead, or it is an area he doesn't want to lead, there are other times when the husband is confident and indeed has the desire to lead.... unfortunately, sometimes the wife as just as much confidence and desire to lead and doesn't really want hubby to take over!

With spiritually neutral issues on which hubby and wife have taken opposite sides, you know that someone has to give. It just so happens that God has appointed the wife to take on this responsibility, when required. I don't know about you, but I am one wife that cringes at the thought of "giving in" on issues hubby and I butt heads on. I know I'm right, darn it, and he should see it my way! (All the while he's thinking, "I know I'm right! Why doesn't she see it my way?")

If neither spouse submits to the other, it will be like the above parable where both parties fight over the steering wheel---determined to steer the car in their direction, regardless of the danger they're putting themselves and their spouse in! It's as dangerous as taking a "hands-off" approach to marriage... either way, the marriage is not getting the direction it needs and it will inevitably crash and burn. If the wife (I) have this perspective in mind, it may make it easier for me to let go and let my husband steer the marriage the direction he he sees best. After all, I'm not really "losing" the fight if submitting allows our marriage to stay on track and heading forward, am I?

This, however, is MUCH easier said than done. It requires me to swallow my pride (which I have a lot of, so it doesn't always go down so smoothly... I often choke on it) and trust my husband (which I am also not very good at. If you want something done right, you do it yourself, right?). This is still very much a work in progress for me. It is so difficult for me to humble myself and take a step back. It's almost painful.

The point is, someone has to step back. God has asked that I, as the wife, do so. So, like it or not, I'm going to have to make an effort to learn how to relinquish command in areas that my husband has made a decision to take us in a different direction than I want. It's his God-given right to lead this family. I need to trust that, just ahead of my husband, God is beckoning and leading us both.

There are several scary questions that come up in relation to this: What if hubby is leading in the wrong (sinful) direction, or steering us off a cliff? Does this mean wives can't have a say in anything? Does this mean hubby gets his way all the time?

I will address these questions in the upcoming blog posts, so stay tuned!