Don't Worry? Easier Said than Done.

If you looked up my name in the thesaurus, on most days this is what you'd find:

Main Entry: Malorie 
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: worried, tense


Synonyms: afraid, aghast, antsy*, apprehensive, anxious, basket case, bugged, butterflies, careful, choked, clutched, concerned, disquieted, distressed, disturbed, dreading, fearful, fidgety, fretful, hacked, hyper, in a state, in a tizzy, in suspense, jittery, jumpy, nervous, nervy, overwrought, restless, scared, shaking, shaky, shivery, shook up, shot to pieces, solicitous, spooked, strung out, sweating bullets, taut, troubled, uneasy, unglued, unquiet, uptight*, watchful, wired, worried sick, wreck*


Antonyms: assured, calm, content, cool, happy, peaceful, tranqil, unconcerned, unworried

**Source: Thesaurus.com (original entry was "Anxious")

You might as well adjust your vocabulary now. Soon my name will become a slang term for "worry" or "worrier". I can just see it now...

Person A: "Oh, I don't know what to do! I have a huge exam tomorrow and I don't think I'm going to pass!"

Person B: "Don't go pulling a Malorie on me now."

Person C: "Yeah, don't be such a Malorier. Malorizing isn't going to do you any good!"

Person D: "Don't Malorie, Be Happy!"

Ok, ok, I know that sounds a bit silly, but sometimes I honestly think that I am ridden with anxiety so often that I'll soon come to embody it. Nothing is too big, too small, too obscure, too irrelevant, or too ridiculous for me to get worried about!

I've been told by several well-meaning friends and family that I should simply stop worrying. I realize that most of what I worry about is beyond my control. I understand that worrying doesn't accomplish anything... but I just can't seem to stop! I've often looked to the Bible for comforting words, in hopes that the Holy Book would have a sedating effect on me. Some of the oft-quoted include:

"I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid."  John 14:27 (NLT)

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?" Matthew 6:25-27 (NLT)

"For a man may do his work with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then he must leave all he owns to someone who has not worked for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune. What does a man get for all the toil and anxious striving with which he labors under the sun? All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless." Ecclesiastes 2:21-23 (NIV)

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillippians 4:5-7 (NIV)

What do I see when I read these verses?
  1) Worry is nothing new: -people have been anxiety-ridden ever since Adam and Eve chowed down on forbidden fruit.
  2) Worrying is pointless: -okay, duh, I already knew that one.
  3) Worrying stems from a lack of faith: -ouch. That one hurts. But I hear the Truth has that effect on people sometimes. The reason why worrying stems from a lack of faith is because I'm not trusting God to take care of me or have my best interests in mind. When I distrust God, I yank all of life's "What Ifs" out of His hands and try to carry them around myself. That load is unbearable, and that's when anxiety starts to happen.

So how do I stop worrying then? Worrying is symptomatic of a lack in faith. A lack in faith is symptomatic of spiritual immaturity. What does that mean? In a nutshell, it's time for me to "grow up". I need to get to know God better---afterall, it's always difficult to trust a stranger with anything. After I get to know God better (through reading the Bible, attending church regularly, praying, serving etc), I am better equipped to trust Him with my life.

It's interesting (and no coincidence) to see that most of the "antonyms" listed in the above Thesaurus entry seem to describe God and Godly traits. God is the Anti-Worry. He really wants His children to relax and leave everything up to him.

...but waaaait a second. Relax? Leave everything up to God? Does that mean I get to sit back in Ye-Old-Laz-E-Boy with an entertaining book, a refreshing iced-tea and do...nothing? Of course not. I still have to get off my butt and live life. I still need to be pro-active, think ahead, and get things done. However, one of the most difficult things for me (and many who live in today's busy society) to do is to separate being pro-active from worrying.

As a teacher, I still need to plan the lessons I'm going to teach my students ahead of time. I can't just show up to school and expect God to strike me with a lightning bolt of enlightenment and I'll miraculously know what and how to teach my students. However, I do not need to worry about the "What Ifs". That is to say, I don't need to worry about: What If so-and-so student doesn't like me? What If the lesson doesn't go well? What If a student asks a question I can't answer?

Basically, God doesn't want us to shoulder the weight of worrying about things beyond our control. He does, however, expect us to do our best in the things we do have control over. If we don't, no matter how strong our faith is, we will experience genuine anxiety due to our negligence. In this case, worry serves the purpose of getting us back on track. For example, if I decided I wasn't in the mood to make a lesson plan for tomorrow's lessons and went to bed early instead; I'd probably wake up the next morning, 30 minutes before class began, and be worried about the upcoming lesson. That worry is not a lack of faith, that is self-inflicted worry for not doing what I was supposed to be doing when I had the chance.

One of my other problems is I've become addicted to worrying. I've come to depend on worry as a motivator. I'm afraid that if I don't worry, I won't get stuff done. I worry about things far, far into the future (and therefore, far, far beyond my control). While it's alright for me to think about the future, it is not okay for me to dwell so much on the future that I forget to enjoy the present. Constantly focusing too far down the road leads me to miss the beautiful scenery surrounding me at the moment, as well as keeps me from noticing the easily avoidable potholes right in front of my feet. And, alas, I fall flat on my face over and over again... looking like a foolish clutz on Life's journey.

While I can't say that coming to the realizations I have in writing this post has suddenly and completely "cured" my anxiety, I can say that I now understand the nature of worry a little better. I am determined to get to know God better so that I'm not so reluctant to trust Him with my "What Ifs". I'm hoping that, with God's help, I can learn to readjust my focus from the long term to the here-and-now. I don't want to wake up one day as a senior citizen and realize I worried my entire life away, and that worry robbed me of a rewarding life.

God,
To be honest, I don't feel like I know you all that well. I have a difficult time trusting you to take care of things for me. I've always been of the mindset "If you want it done right, do it yourself." So... I'm not very easily inclined to letting others do things for me... even You, God.Help me to get to know you better. Reassure me. Help me to let go of this tremendous weight I've tried hopelessly to carry around on my own.

God... I also ask that you help me "snap out of  it" when I get into my anxious modes. Help me to learn to enjoy what's going on around me in any given moment, rather than focusing too much on what the future has in store. Help me to take care of the things within my control, and to let go of the things that are beyond my control.

Striving to be Worry-Free and Freed from Worry,
-Me