Merry Christmas!

I will be taking a break from the blog over the Christmas season! 

Have a safe and blessed Christmas! I'll see you all again in the New Year!

Oh, come, Desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind;
Oh, bid our sad divisions cease,
And be yourself our King of Peace.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to you, O Israel!

Sunday Sprint: What God Wants From YOU

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."

1 Corinthians 13:1-3

I don't know about you, but throughout my childhood I used to dream of God calling me to do something great--like all of the Biblical figures I grew up learning about and admiring. If only God would make me a prophet... or a miracle worker... or possess unwavering faith. If only...

But the Bible makes it clear... God holds LOVE in highest esteem. Jesus declared the greatest commandments were to "love your neighbor as yourself" and to "love the Lord your God." While we are awed by healed sickness, parted waters, and raised dead... God delights in unfailing love. 

Every time I find myself wishing I could do something great in the name of the Lord, I try to remind myself that God thinks living a life of love is great. Living a life of Love is a prerequisite to anything else. 

Call to ACTION

  “As for you, son of man, your people are talking together about you by the walls and at the doors of the houses, saying to each other, ‘Come and hear the message that has come from the LORD.’  My people come to you, as they usually do, and sit before you to hear your words, but they do not put them into practice. Their mouths speak of love, but their hearts are greedy for unjust gain.  Indeed, to them you are nothing more than one who sings love songs with a beautiful voice and plays an instrument well, for they hear your words but do not put them into practice."

Ezekiel 33:31-32

Sometimes church becomes a ritual. While there is nothing inherently wrong with ritual, sometimes it can lull people into a false sense of security. This seems to be especially true this time of year. People who never go to church any other time in the year will often attend at Christmastime. People get caught up in the the traditions of the season and forget what Christmas is really all about.

We get so focused on a baby in a manger, angels singing in the sky, and wise men bearing precious gifts that we forget what it all points to--a Savior who was tortured and died to pay a price we couldn't. To offer Himself as a sinless sacrifice for our sins. To rise again three days later to give us hope of eternal life. To reconcile us with God.

We have been called to live our lives to reflect these truths. We aren't supposed to just celebrate God ritualistically a few times a year. Church isn't supposed to give us warm fuzzy feelings of nostalgia. We are expected to do so much more than offer the cursory responses and "churchy" gestures. We are called to live authentic Godly lives. 

We have been warned that our lives will be difficult. All too often, however, we hide behind our traditions and rituals. We put on a smiley face and "play nice" with other church members only to get back to "real life" after leaving the service. We live our lives as fakes. We take part in church as a force of habit... to comfort ourselves... to reassure ourselves that we're doing the bare minimum. 

I really don't want to face God on Judgement Day and lay claim to the "bare minimum." I want to make my Father proud. It is so difficult to live my life consistently, day-by-day, in pursuit of a Godly life (I so often fail miserably!); but I know that it truly is the least I can do. Jesus paid an inconceivable price for me. He paid a debt far beyond what I could have ever hoped to pay back. I want to make sure I do my best to thank Him for that. I was to do His will. I want to live how he has asked me to live. 

Time to walk the talk. Really. 

Sunday Sprint: This is What You Signed Up For

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

Sometimes we are tempted to question God during tough times. It can be difficult to understand why a God of love would let his people suffer so much. However, none of us were promised an easy life. God never said that Christians were immune to pain and sorrow. Jesus himself promised that we would have trouble in this world. The reason why we continue to have hope and joy in the face of adversity is because we know that Jesus has "overcome the world." We will soon exchange our temporary hardships for eternal joy in the presence of our God. 

"The real problem is not why some pious, humble, believing people suffer, 
but why some do not.”

- C.S. Lewis

Psalm 37: Don't Let Others Get You Down

Psalm 37 was my inspiration today.

I get discouraged easily. Sometimes it seems like people have absolutely no regard for each other anymore. It seems like the more cutthroat you are, the more successful you will be in this world. My students recently finished studying the novel The Lord of the Flies. In a post-reading discussion, I asked my students, "do you think that everyone is capable of the same evil these little boys left on an island were?" 

One of my students bluntly answered, "Of course. Nobody cares about anyone else. I always look out for myself first. People will always do what they want. Nobody really wants to care about others."

I found this student's comment extremely depressing, but I think it's true. I don't think that any of us are inherently selfless. I think that selflessness is only inspired by God. It is natural for us to want to look out for ourselves first--to lash out at those who hurt us, to become envious when others succeed, to complain when life doesn't deal us a "fair" hand. 

Christians aren't immune to these feelings of anger and envy. It is especially frustrating when we try to live our lives for the Lord---to try and be "good people"---only to be trampled by mean-spirited people. But Psalm 37 reassures us that the triumphs of evil people are short lived and temporary. God actually "laughs at the wicked, for he knows their day is coming" (Psalm 37: 13 NIV). It is difficult to keep this in perspective, but we must remember that this life is temporary. Any successes or failures that occur in this life are short-lived. God has promised vindication for the faithful. 

I am always reminded of Paul when I think about people who sneer and scoff at the Christian faith. Paul (formerly Saul) hated Christians. He hated everything about them. He was responsible for countless Christian deaths as he hunted down, tortured, and killed many followers of Christ. However, God chose to reach out to this evil man and use him to spread the gospel throughout the known world. This murderer of Christians became one of Jesus' most devout followers and ended up authoring the majority of the New Testament. God can change the hearts of evil people; and even if they choose to ignore God, they still have to face God on Judgement Day just like everyone else. Just because you ignore God doesn't mean He'll ignore you. One way or another, every single person will acknowledge and answer to God sooner or later.

Don't let the success of liars and cheaters make you angry. Don't let setbacks and hardships get you down. It is all temporary. God sees all our temporary moments, and he wants them to add up to an eternity with Him. Each person needs to make the most of the fleeting time they have and not waste time worrying about what others think, say, or do.

"Comfort and prosperity have never enriched the world as much as adversity has."

-Billy Graham

Announcement Concerning Comments

After today I will no longer publish anonymous comments.

I am more than willing to have an open conversation with people if they wish to ask sincere questions. However, anonymity allows people to make quick jabs without actually wanting to open up the dialogue. A trolling personality yesterday, while being inconsiderate, did bring up a good point. I don't want to appear as though I am "cherry picking" agreeable comments and moderating out unfavorable ones. I am more than willing to have a open conversation with someone who has legitimate, honest questions. I will not, however, attempt to argue with someone who has no interest in hearing my answers and simply wants to stir up trouble.

To combat this problem and in an attempt to remain transparent, I will no longer publish anonymous posts of any kind. You must be registered in order to leave a comment on a post. Other than that, if you have a sincere question for me that you truly do want a response to, please send me an email at thedailystumbler@gmail.com .

Thank you to those of you who have been kind and respectful--whether you agreed with me or not. 

Are You God-Centered or Self-Centered?

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God" 

-Psalm 20:7

"Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain."

-Psalm 119: 36

"For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and every evil practice."

-James 3:16

In continuing my journey through the workbook Experiencing God (Blackaby), I came across a very revealing list. Do any of these apply to you?

-Do you look out for #1?

-Are you proud of yourself and your accomplishments?

-Are you self-confident?

-Do you rely on your abilities?

-Do you affirm yourself? 

-Do you analyze circumstances based on your or others' experiences?

-Do you try to obtain a comfortable life for yourself?

My initial reaction in reading this list was... well, yeah! Some of those don't sound so bad. It's good to be self-confident... to "believe in yourself". Of course, I'm proud of my accomplishments! Isn't everyone? I've worked hard for my achievements! Why shouldn't I be proud?

Well, reality came tumbling down on top of me like a sack of bricks when I read the heading to the above list: "A Self-Centered Life." The verse that came to mind as I read this was  1 Corinthians 3:18-19 "Do not deceive yourselves. If any of you think you are wise by the standards of this age, you should become “fools” so that you may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight." The "self-centered life" sounds so normal and acceptable because it is--by the world's standards. We are taught from a very young age to be proud of ourselves and to believe in ourselves---to look out for "numero uno." The fact of the matter is, that is utter "foolishness" to the God of the Universe who sees us for what we truly are--weak, feeble, foolish creatures who act like stubborn, selfish little children. We pride ourselves in our worldly accomplishments, when really, what value do any of our accomplishments have when measured against God's Holy and Eternal Standard?

If we want to know and follow God's will, we are required to deny ourselves and put Him at the center of our lives, so that we can answer "yes" to these questions instead:

-Do you place all your confidence in God?

-Do you depend on God to provide?

-Are you completely focused on God and what He is doing?

-Are you humble before God?

-Do you deny yourself?

-Do you seek God's will and righteousness FIRST?

-Do you seek God's perspective in EVERY circumstance?

-Do you live a holy and Godly life?

-Do you do everything for God's glory rather than your own?

At first glance, most Christians will nod their heads and give a cursory "Christianly" response, "But of course!" However, we when we look closely at that list and honestly reflect on what it's asking, it becomes very clear that most of us aren't living up to God's standards. Do we really live our lives day-by-day, minute-by-minute in the pursuit of bringing God glory? Or do we instead live our lives in pursuit of our own success, accomplishments, and comfort? 

I have to admit, when my eyes are opened to the truth as to what doing God's will truly involves, I get more than a little scared. God asked Noah to build a big boat in a desert and trust that it would come in handy. He asked his disciples to stop what they were doing and simply follow without any further explanation. He asked Moses to lead millions of Israelites out of Egypt. He asked Abram to simply pack up everything he owned and go to a land that God would reveal later...

...Our God is not a God of detailed explanation. He expects his followers to do just that--follow. He requires faithfulness. He gives just enough information to guide us in the right direction, but he expects us to do the subsequent footwork. God could ask me to do anything, and I can pretty much guarantee that He's not going to give a lot of details when He does ask. I just hope and pray that I have the faith to take the steps required of me... the courage to look "foolish" to those around me in order to make the Wise choice by God's standard.

God,

I truly do want to have you at the center of my life. I want you to be the motivation for my every thought, word, and action. But as you said, "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Help me to have the faith and courage to take the steps you set out for me. I am both excited and afraid of what you might ask, but I know that ultimately anything You ask is Good. 

Thank you,

Me

"Don't Just Do Something. Stand There!"

1 Kings 18:15-39

(Day Three in "Experiencing God", Blackaby)

The idea that I took away from the above passage is: God lit the fire. The passage is about Elijah facing off against the "prophets" of Baal to prove once and for all whose God was the True God. Well, 850 of Baal's prophets didn't stand a chance against ONE of Yahweh's. Elijah followed God's lead and impossible things happened--Elijah's water-logged altar was set ablaze by heavenly fire.

As I said yesterday, I am working through a workbook titled Experiencing God (by Blackaby and King), and this passage came up on "Day Three." So far I have been blown away by this book. It has allowed me to really stop and think about Who God is and how He really works. I'm beginning to realize that I've been approaching my relationship with God completely wrong. I've been asking Him what His will is for my life, when I should just be asking "Lord, what is your will?". MY life is irrelevant. God's will should be my focus. 

I find that I am too quick to act on my own. I ask God what His will is for my life and then I get antsy to do something when I don't hear an answer. The problem isn't that God doesn't want to answer--it's that I've been asking the wrong question. God wants me to know His will. He wants to act through me. The problem is, I'm so wrapped up in doing something else that I don't let Him do His will through me. 

The profound insight that I took away from my lesson today is "What are you doing in your life that cannot be accomplished unless God intervenes?". My answer? Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I am such a control freak that I've taken the reins in my life and I've attempted to bend God's will to my actions, rather than the other way around. Sure, I might not be demanding to do anything sinful, per se, but I'm certainly not fulfilling God's will by taking control. 

I want to do great things for God, but the fact of the matter is I can't do anything for God. However, if I yield, God may choose to do great things through me. Elijah didn't prove that God was the true God. God did that. Elijah didn't build an altar, pile it high with wood, douse it with water and light it himself. God lit the fire. God used Elijah as a messenger, but ultimately it was God who acted. 

I am finally beginning to realize that God wants me to stop worrying about doing stuff for Him and start letting him do stuff through me. In order to do that I need to stand still, yield to Him, and listen. I need to stop trying to force things along by doing what I think I "should" and start following God's lead. I've realized that I've been selfish and caught up in trying to be a "good Christian", when it's really not about me. It's about God's will being done... with or without me. 

God,

Help me to understand your will so that I can meet you in doing it. I'm going to try to hold still long enough to let you use me as an instrument of your will. Shape me to your purpose. I'm ready to stop trying to shape your will to fit me.

In Your Name,

Amen

Sunday Sprint: Take the Next Step

I am currently working through a workbook titled Experiencing God: Knowing and Doing the Will of God, by Blackaby and King. I only started this journey yesterday, but so far I am thinking that this book could have a profound effect on my walk with God. I will likely be sharing my thoughts and ideas over the next 3 months or so based on my studies. 

Yesterday, "Day One" in the book, my eyes were opened to the fact that I've been desperate to know the Will of God for my life, but I've been waiting for God to reveal His whole plan to me. I've been waiting for a road map. However, this is NOT how God works. In Genesis 12, God calls Abram (later called Abraham) to leave his home, take everything he owns, and go "to the land [God] will show [him]." God only gives Abram the first step. He never tells Abram the whole plan. 


I finally realized that if God gave me a road map there would be no need for faith and I would be tempted to declare that everything I did after given that "map" was done by ME alone. Where did my reliance on God go?


God highlights the next step ahead. I need to be living my life every single day in search of and in the action of taking that next step. I need to ask myself, "What does God want me to do today?" rather than "What's God's will for my life tomorrow?".  I need to be faithful and take the baby-steps asked of me rather than demanding to know the entire route before budging. 

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing" 

-John 15:5 

**I would encourage you regular readers to get your own copy of 

"Experiencing God" and journey with me over the next couple months. 

Let's keep each other accountable and on track.

Today I Stumbled Upon...

...1 Corinthians 15

Today I thought I'd try a new approach to my Bible reading. Prior today, I usually approached my blog writing with a theme, question, or idea in mind and I'd search for Bible verses to help me answer/back up what I wanted to write about. Today I decided that I'd reverse the process. As I sat down with my Bible in one hand and my laptop in the other, I prayed that God would guide my reading and that His Spirit would speak to my heart as my eyes fell upon whatever reading presented itself. Now, this can work fine for quiet times, but I do not suggest you try this technique to answer questions like a Magic 8 ball... the Bible should be studied closely and purposely when seeking answers to specific questions, however if you're just wanting to explore God's word and let it "wash over you", sometimes random passages are refreshing.

Anyway, now that I have that prologue and disclaimer out of the way, why don't I share with you my thoughts on what I read today?

I let my Bible fall open to a random passage, which in this case happened to be 1 Corinthians 15. I read verses 1-33 and, let me tell you, there are some profound statements in this passage. The passage is basically Paul (formerly Saul) talking about the resurrection of Christ and what that means for the Christian faith. Without believing in the resurrection of Christ there is no faith. Our faith is pointless.

The verses that stood out to me most were the final few verses in the passage:

"...if there is no resurrection, "let's feast and drink, for tomorrow we die!". Don't be fooled by those who say such things, for "bad company corrupts good character." Think carefully about what is right, and stop sinning. For to your shame I say that some of you don't know God at all."

1 Corinthians 32-34 (NLT)

Paul was writing this to people who proclaimed to be believers in Christ. But these "believers" often questioned the validity of Christ's resurrection. For people who do not believe in an afterlife, there is no hope. Their hope lies completely in obtaining as much happiness as they possibly can in this life before they die and "fade away into nothingness"--or so they think. Christians should have a different kind of hope--a hope of life after death. We should be living our lives day by day to emulate Christ because of that hope. 

All too often we live like non-Christians---like people without hope. We get fooled into taking part in sinful pastimes because we get caught up in the "party hard while you can" mentality. We gossip, we fight, we booze and schmooze, we waste our money on material possessions, we become self-centered. We attempt to fill the void in our souls with empty pursuits... and I think anyone with half a brain can say that you can't fill emptiness with emptiness. 

Christians should be different! It should be obvious from the way we live that we have a Hope. We should live a life that reflects the love and joy of our faith. It is so very sad when people have to ask or are surprised to find out we're Christians. Paul makes it clear when he says that it is to their shame that he questions whether or not the "believers" he's writing to are actually believers at all. 

I don't want there to ever be a doubt in anyone's mind as to Who I put my faith in. I want to live my life so that there is no question that I believe in Christ and that my life has hope, by His grace. 

God,

Give me the strength and teachable heart necessary to live my life out loud for you. May I radiate your love. God I would be absolutely devastated and ashamed if someone was surprised to find out that I was a Christian. I want my life to be a reflection of your Son. 

Thank you,
Me

Who Cares What Others Think?

"Stop trusting in mere humans, 

   who have but a breath in their nostrils. 

   Why hold them in esteem?"

Isaiah 2:22

How often to we neglect our relationship with God because of others? How often do we doubt our faith because someone says something that causes us to second guess our beliefs? 

I know that I am guilty of putting too much power in the hands of people. My entire day is made or destroyed by those around me. My faith can falter because of something someone says. My quiet time with God gets postponed or forgotten because I have an "important" appointment with my Facebook friends. 

Yes, people are important. Yes, God has called us to love others and has created us to be social beings. However, our first and foremost priority is to Him. If we trust God and cultivate our relationship with Him first, we will gain wisdom and clarity in our relationships with others. Suddenly we'll know how to love others, who to trust, and who to walk away from. Without trusting God first we'll be forever being tossed to and fro in our faith, relationships, and self-esteem. 

We don't need the approval of others. Our faith doesn't need the approval of others. We need to be secure enough in our relationship with God that we can stand firm and not be shaken by the latest opinion, "fact", or theory. 

Sunday Sprint: Better to be a Nobody

"Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant 

   than pretend to be somebody and have no food."

Proverbs 12:9

In this society and in this age it seems like everybody is fighting so hard to be a somebody. In seeking fame and fortune and in the pursuit of "somebodyness" so many people lose everything. This verse reminds me that it is better be content with an "ordinary" life--to have all your needs provided for and a even few small luxuries--than to be in constant pursuit of fame, prestige, fortune etc. and end up losing it all.

Too many people make the foolish choice to pursue prestige by stockpiling fancy cars and big houses and other material things only to lose it all when that stockpile of debt buries them. We need to stop looking longingly at the "somebodies" in town and learn to be happy with the blessings God has given to us.

I honestly think that most people will be a lot happier if they choose to live in a thankful frame of mind than an envious one. 

Thank you God for all your blessings. 

Every Good Teacher was a Student First

"... if you are convinced that you are a guide for the blind, a light for those who are in the dark, an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of little children, because you have in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth— you, then, who teach others, do you not teach yourself? ... You who boast in the law, do you dishonor God by breaking the law? As it is written: “God’s name is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.”

Romans 2:17-24

I've posted this passage on TDS before and studied it in terms of hypocrisy... but today this passage had new meaning for me. Today this passage spoke to me in terms of my desire to be a witness for Christ. I have this deep desire to live for Christ... to live a Christian life on a daily basis... to teach others about my faith. And yet, this passage made me stop and reflect... am I ready to teach others? 

As a student teacher I've gone through rigorous training and education to get to the point where I am trusted with a class full of young minds. I had to go through five years of post secondary education, three practicums, and numerous evaluations. Despite all of this training and apprenticeship there are still days when I feel pitifully unprepared for my duties as a full-fledged, certified teacher.

And yet... I feel like I should be going out and teaching the masses about Christ without any formal training? To be the voice on the most important Lesson there is? 

Now, I'm not saying that every Christian needs to go out and get a doctorate in theology before they should open their mouths to teach a friend about their faith. However, I think that I have made the mistake of neglecting my "soul education" and attempting to skip right ahead to teaching others. 

I need to make sure that I have the proper "certification" before I start teaching others. To be a "certified" Christian, I need to make sure that I've been receiving my education from God: apprenticing under Christ and listening to the evaluations of the Holy Spirit. If  I ignore the teachings of my Professor, I will fail miserably in trying to teach it to others. If I brush off the guidance and wisdom of the Holy Spirit, I'll find myself headed in the wrong direction very quickly. 

I am eager to lead and teach... but eagerness without training is a recipe for failure. I remember the very first day I stood in front of a class of students as their student "teacher". I had very little training. It was my first year of college. I was eager--oh-so eager--but I fell flat on my face. I fumbled through the lesson, I jumbled my words and by the end of it I had students staring back at me with very confused looks on their faces... a few even scoffed at me. 

If I try to take the lead and teach people about my faith without being "certified" by the Spirit, I'm only going to confuse people (at best) and push people away (at worst). I need to take a step back and make sure that I've been a good student---intent, reflective, and teachable. 

God,

Teach me. 

Spirit,

Certify me.

Christ,

Mentor me.

Amen. 

"...do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you."

Matthew 10:19-20

"...they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly."

Acts 4:31

Getting Advice

"Plans fail for lack of counsel, 

   but with many advisers they succeed"

Proverbs 15:22

Anyone who has been following these blogs know that I am a planner. I like to know what the next step is. While I do have the ability to improvise, my improvisation always fits into a larger plan. 

A constant struggle for me is to consolidate my planning/organized nature with faith. If I am planning every step of my life and I have goals extending decades into the future, then where does God's guidance come in? Where does obedience to the Spirit come in? 

I think that there are many ways that too much planning can be unhealthy... however I don't think that being organized is, at its core, a bad thing. Ultimately, because of the gift of Free Will, we have to make a decision at some point! I've already discussed in past blogs the importance of prayer, scripture, and reflecting in making life's decisions in accordance to God's will... but I think that God also places people and resources on the way for us. 

God has equipped each of us with different strengths, knowledge, and talents. I believe he did this because God is a God of community. He wants us to serve and rely on one another. If each and every one of us had the same talents and wisdom, there would be no need for fellowship. Instead, we each have weaknesses that can be aided by another person's strength and vice versa. 

Sometimes getting advice is the best thing you can do. God can work through the words and counsel of those around us. We just need to be willing to listen and to be wise enough to discern good advice from bad advice. Getting feedback from a handful of trusted people on the big decisions in our lives can have a huge impact on the success or failure of our plans.

We don't have to live life on our own. 

Sunday Sprint: Live From the Inside Out

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness."

Matthew 23:27-28

Any Stumbler like myself is all too aware of the fact that sometimes Christians' inner lives are incongruent with their outer lives and vice versa. If we are truly filled with the Holy Spirit, our lives should and will exude His Fruits. 

If we are trying pass off our own "counterfeit fruit", it will be quite obvious to those around us that what we're peddling isn't the "real deal". We should have motivations to match our actions, and actions to match our place in Christ. We should live Godly lives from the inside out. There should be no room for hypocrisy and no room for apathy. 

This Stumbler has a difficult time letting the Holy Spirit fill her up to the brim and overflow in her actions. It is so tempting to just take control of my own life and attempt to "fake" a Spirit-led life. The sad fact of the matter is, we all fail miserably when we try to counterfeit holiness and righteousness. We look and sound like frauds. We stink of deceit. Anyone---especially atheists---can sniff out a hypocritical Christian from a mile away. 

My prayer is that God would fill me with His Spirit so that my motivations would be His and that my actions would reflect a heart that is drenched in His Love. "Fake it 'til you make it" just doesn't cut it with God. 

The Truth Hurts

 “Teach me, and I will be quiet;
   show me where I have been wrong.
 How painful are honest words!"

Job 6:24-25

I don't know about you, dear reader, but one of the things that I am most often guilty of in my prayer life is refusing to listen. Sure, I will pray "teach me, Lord!".... but I forget to stop and listen to my God's response. I'll keep talking.... chattering away at the God of the Universe as I continue to pray (I guess that's a disadvantage to praying in one's mind/heart...no need to stop for breaths! Oh, Lord... forgive your chatty daughter!). 

I think that Job spells out the fact that my refusal to stop and listen is rooted in fear. To listen and to be open to teaching involves being open to criticism. Now, I should be well accustomed to the benefits of constructive criticism... as a high school English teacher, I often expect my students to listen to my constructive criticism of their work--after all, that's the only way they'll ever improve! Anyone who has ever been a student knows that accepting criticism is an important part of growth. We didn't enter grade one with the ability to write insightful essays and literary criticisms! 

Yet, when the tables are turned and I'm expected to be at the receiving end of criticism from my Heavenly Father, I get antsy. I offer up the cursory request to be taught... only to rush on to the next prayer request. I am afraid of what God will tell me. What faults He'll find and point out to me. 

But ignoring my faults doesn't help me grow. A student can get their essay back and immediately stuff it into their bag without glancing at their mark or the teacher's feedback. Sure, they offered up the request to be "taught" by handing in their essay... but if they refuse to look at their grade and feedback,  they are setting themselves up for stagnation at best and continual failure at worst. 

I don't want to superficially ask my God to teach me while attempting to hide my heart from him and plugging my ears. I want to grow. I'm realizing that growth always involves some growing pains... but I also know that there is no better source of honest, loving criticism than from my Perfect Holy God. 

God's truth hurts like a disinfectant in a festering wound. It's a good hurt. A cleansing hurt.

So, this Stumbler is going to stop tripping over her own ego and is going to try listening to her Father's advice. Sometimes the best thing we can do in our prayer life is to stop talking. 

God...

Teach me. 

I'm listening... really.

-Me

Ignition Sequence Initiated: Blast Off in 3...2...1...

"For as churning cream produces butter, 

   and as twisting the nose produces blood, 

   so stirring up anger produces strife"

Proverbs 30:33

"But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips."

Colossians 3:8

There is one emotion above all others that seems to just stick to me. This emotion roots itself in my heart and won't let go. My heart burns with an acidic fire. I try to calm myself and shake myself free from its grasp... but anger just doesn't seem to let go of me very easily.

Today was one of those days. I had a bad day. I had a student push the right buttons (or, I suppose, the wrong buttons) and I lost my temper. Harsh words were exchanged and I left the school in a sour mood. Looks like this Stumbler is tripping over her own feet again. *sigh*

I wish that I was able to control myself so diligently that my temper never reached the boiling point, however I'd settle for the ability to shake anger quickly. I hate how my entire day or week can be ruined by a single episode of anger. The situation that riled me up will sear itself into my memory and plague me in my quiet times. The situation will replay in my mind over and over again---each time the anger is as real as the moment it initially happened. 

I am reminded of a quote that I often recite to myself:

"Holding a grudge is like swallowing poison and hoping someone else dies"

I know that dwelling in my anger is dangerous and fruitless... but too often it seems like my anger is holding onto me, not the other way around. But God has warned about the danger of selfish anger. Anger destroys a person from the inside out and their victims from the outside in. 

I want my actions to point people to God, not emphasize my sinfulness. An angry Christian is a faltering Christian. Today I stumbled. May God forgive me and set my feet back on solid ground. May He soothe my angered heart like aloe soothes a burn. 

Tomorrow is a new day. I'll forgive my student for his thoughtless words and I'll extend my apology for my harsh response. Tonight I'll be doing some "soul weeding" to uproot this stubborn anger.

Deep breaths in; prayers whispered out. 

Ultimate Sacrifice

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

John 15:13

Whether you agree with war or not, I think we can all agree with the above verse. Today I wanted to take the time to remember those who have fought and died for me and my country. There have been countless men and women who have fought in wars and sacrificed everything so that I could live in a country where I was free... free to speak my mind, free to go to school, free to worship my God.

While it seems like the fighting never ends and it doesn't always seem like we're fighting for the right reasons, today is not about declaring our support for war. Today is about declaring our gratitude for those who died to give us a better life.

Similarly, I am reminded of the One who also sacrificed everything---my true Savior, Jesus Christ. Jesus lay his life down so that I could be truly free---free from sin, free from condemnation, free to enter into a personal and intimate relationship with God. Jesus devastated his enemy with his love for us. 

Be thankful for the earthly freedoms your soldiers earned for you with their blood. Remember their sacrifice.

But today, also, be thankful for the complete Freedom your Saviour bought for us with His untainted blood. Remember His Sacrifice. Remember his Triumph. 

Lest we forget. Lest we grow apathetic. 

Reflections

"As water reflects the face, 

   so one’s life reflects the heart"

Proverbs 27:19

This first jumped out at me a couple days ago in my personal time with God. It left me wondering...what kind of heart is my life reflecting? Does my life say that I have God's Holy Spirit taking up permanent residence within my heart? Does my life reflect a heart of faith, hope, love, peace, joy, and patience? 

As I reflect on my reflection, I begin to realize that my life does not always give a flattering reflection of my heart. Some days I am afraid to approach the shoreline to see the reflection of my heart in the shimmering waters of my life. All too often my life shows the reflection of an angry, bitter, resentful, impatient, selfish heart. It's enough to make me avert my eyes and walk away in shame. 

I'm slowly beginning to realize that my life will show a much more appealing reflection if I allow the Holy Spirit to dress my heart. When I let him take my heart and have complete control over it, it doesn't take long before my life begins to show a much better reflection. Suddenly there is a glow on my face and my actions show a heart dripping with the ripened fruits of the Spirit. 

You know, I have never ever regretted a day lived in the Spirit. I have never felt bad or ill-tempered on a day that I followed the Spirit's guidance. It is strange that my wayward heart so adamantly insists to go it's own, sinful way. But no more. I truly hope that waters of my life reflect a Godly heart from now on.