The Truth Hurts

 “Teach me, and I will be quiet;
   show me where I have been wrong.
 How painful are honest words!"

Job 6:24-25

I don't know about you, dear reader, but one of the things that I am most often guilty of in my prayer life is refusing to listen. Sure, I will pray "teach me, Lord!".... but I forget to stop and listen to my God's response. I'll keep talking.... chattering away at the God of the Universe as I continue to pray (I guess that's a disadvantage to praying in one's mind/heart...no need to stop for breaths! Oh, Lord... forgive your chatty daughter!). 

I think that Job spells out the fact that my refusal to stop and listen is rooted in fear. To listen and to be open to teaching involves being open to criticism. Now, I should be well accustomed to the benefits of constructive criticism... as a high school English teacher, I often expect my students to listen to my constructive criticism of their work--after all, that's the only way they'll ever improve! Anyone who has ever been a student knows that accepting criticism is an important part of growth. We didn't enter grade one with the ability to write insightful essays and literary criticisms! 

Yet, when the tables are turned and I'm expected to be at the receiving end of criticism from my Heavenly Father, I get antsy. I offer up the cursory request to be taught... only to rush on to the next prayer request. I am afraid of what God will tell me. What faults He'll find and point out to me. 

But ignoring my faults doesn't help me grow. A student can get their essay back and immediately stuff it into their bag without glancing at their mark or the teacher's feedback. Sure, they offered up the request to be "taught" by handing in their essay... but if they refuse to look at their grade and feedback,  they are setting themselves up for stagnation at best and continual failure at worst. 

I don't want to superficially ask my God to teach me while attempting to hide my heart from him and plugging my ears. I want to grow. I'm realizing that growth always involves some growing pains... but I also know that there is no better source of honest, loving criticism than from my Perfect Holy God. 

God's truth hurts like a disinfectant in a festering wound. It's a good hurt. A cleansing hurt.

So, this Stumbler is going to stop tripping over her own ego and is going to try listening to her Father's advice. Sometimes the best thing we can do in our prayer life is to stop talking. 

God...

Teach me. 

I'm listening... really.

-Me