Church Shopping: Part One

Finding a Church to Call "Home"

As I mentioned in my very first post to this website, I've had difficulty maintaining a regular church attendence for the past few years. I have a few reasons (read "excuses") for my lapses in church attendence. Sometimes it was as simple as fatigue--I was just too tired. Sunday was my only day to sleep in, so occasionally I took the day and indulged in a few extra hours. Other times my husband didn't feel like going, and I really didn't want to sit in a pew all by myself, so I inevitably stayed home with him. The main reason, however, is I found it difficult to find a church that felt like "home".

I grew up in a Christian home and we attended the same church ever since we moved to my hometown when I was 8 years old. I didn't really have any choice in the matter. My parents would drag me out of bed Sunday mornings, get me presentably dressed, and inevitably arrive 10-15 minutes late to the service due to my reluctance to function that early in the morning. While I didn't necessarily appreciate the early wake-up call (seriously... why don't churches have their services in the afternoon?), I did actually quite enjoy church. I learned a lot. I met some fantastic friends. I had some amazing role models. This church was my "home" church. Everyone knew me, and I knew almost everyone.

Things changed once adulthood hit. Suddenly I was married and on my own. I had the freedom to make my own choices. At first I just went along with tradition and continued to attend the church I had called home since I was 8-years-old. However, things got a little complicated when I moved away to attend University in a different city. I didn't have my parents' church to default to anymore. It was time for me to choose my own church for the first time in my life.

I believe I have finally found a potential candidate to call "home" and I have done enough "shopping" to know what I like and what I don't like in a church. I thought I'd share my shopping list so that others can figure out a way to find their own "home" church, as well as so that those who already have a church to call home can see how well their own church measures up to newcomers scouting out the place from the back pew on Sunday mornings.

#1 -- What's the Church's mission statement?
While this might seem like a no brainer to most folks, it is important to know if the church you're about to scout out is actually preaching Biblical truths and not half-truths or lies. I would encourage church shoppers to research potential churches on the internet prior to stepping in the doors. This way you can avoid the awkwardness of sitting through a sermon you know is a bunch of hooey. Know the difference between true Christian churches and half-truth off-shoots.

#2 -- Am I Welcomed?
Yes, most churches have door greeters that smile, shake your hand, and hand you a church bulletin. That's not enough to get me to come back a second time. The number one indicator of a good church to me is when someone from the congregation recognizes I'm new and strikes up a conversation with me. They really try to get to know me and they really try to make me feel welcome.

#3 -- Worship Style
While I'm sure God welcomes all styles of genuine worship, some people just feel more comfortable with certain styles over others. I find I'm a "middle ground" type when it comes to worship. I like a mix of contemporary music and traditional classics. I like to tap my feet to a beat, but I'm not ready to dance in the aisles. Stern, solemn worship services conducted with hymn books in hand can feel intimidating to me (and a lot of other newcomers to the church). It's hard for me to get my heart into a place of awe and adoration for God when the melody makes me depressed and the formality of it makes me self-conscious.

On the flip side, I find I get very overwhelmed--and sometimes downright terrified--of the very... um, well, enthusiastic worship services out there. People jumping around, dancing in aisles, waving flags, jabbering away in languages only they understand is, well, frightening. I'm so worried about getting smacked in the face or bowled over by these lively people, that my focus never seems to quite make it off of the people around me and on to God.

Don't get me wrong, genuine worship in any form is welcomed by God. However, I don't feel I can be genuine in these situations. I need a middle ground. My fellow Stumblers might not need "middle ground"... find whatever style you feel genuine and best able to focus on God.

#4 -- The Message
Aaah, the "meat" of any Church service. I find I respond best to sermons that are straight forward and to the point. I know a good message when I feel as though the Pastor's words are like red-hot arrows shooting into my soul. The "red-hot" can either be passion or conviction. But either way, I leave the service more equipped to be a better person than when I went in.

As with worship styles, I find there is also a continuum when it comes to sermon styles. On the one side you have Pastors who try to rile up their congregation and depend on conjuring up strong emotions within their audience. This is usually done via boistrous, loud repetition of key sermon points, excessive hand gestures, and encouraging "Hallelujahs" and "Amens".

On the other side you have Pastors who approach their message very cerebrally. You can tell these pastors are very intellegent and their sermons often sound like college lectures. They present their sermons as though defending a dissertation. They use big words, logic, and reasoning.

Once again, I find I need a balance between the two. Ultimately, I want a pastor who is letting God speak through him. I want a pastor that understands what message his congregation needs  to hear from their God, rather than what message his congregation wants to hear from their pastor. If a pastor becomes too self-centred and caught up in being popular or respected, he begins to rely too much on his ability to either manipulate people's emotions or their intellectual reasoning. While emotions and intellect have their place in sermons, they should not be the standards by which "good" sermons are measured. Ultimately, a "good" sermon is not necessarily one that made you "think" or made you "feel" a certain way-- a good sermon is one that made you understand.  It connects you better to God and gives you a better understanding of His will and His ways. It equips you to teach others.

#5 -- Do I Have a Place? 

The characteristic that sets "good" churches apart from "excellent" churches is their ability to recognize the gifts God has given to individuals, and finding a place for people do use those gifts. Church should not be a passive place. It should not be a place where Christians go to sit in a pew for 90 minutes, get talked at, and leave. Church should be a training centre. A place where Christians are given the opportunity to discover their spiritual gifts, cultivate their spiritual gifts, and then use their gifts for the glory of God.

A Church should never be stagnate. There should be opportunities for growth for everyone-- whether they have been a Christian for a few hours or a few decades.

God,
I hope you'll come along with me on my church "shopping" trips. I need you to help me find a place where I can grow. Please make it obvious to me which churches will help me in my journey, and which will knock me down. I'm enough of a spiritual clutz as it is... I need a church that will pick me up... not one that will trip me up.
Thank,
-Me





**Coming Up: But... what's really the point of going to church? Is regular church attendance that important? Can't I accomplish the same thing at home in my own personal devotions or by watching TV evangelists?

God Loves Annoying People

Some people just get on my nerves. You know the type... people who don't know when to stop talking. People who are rude or stupid and don't know it. People whose words just make you cringe with disbelief. People you just want to take by the shoulders and give them a good shake while yelling "Shuuuuuuuuuuuuut uuuuuuuuuuuuup!!" --as much for their sake as yours.

I can deal with the purposely annoying. People who are trying to irritate you are easy. You just ignore them and when they see there is no fun to be had, they move on. The ignorantly annoying are the real problem. They are oblivious to the irritation they are causing those around them, and no one really wants to inform them of how stupid they are being for fear of looking like a jerk.

I always imagine Peter was probably one of these blissfully unaware "annoyers". Simon Peter. Yeah, the top disciple in Jesus' hand-picked Twelve.

Stick with me here. Accounts of Peter in the Bible often make me sit back and laugh a little. You honestly have to give your head a shake at some of the stuff this guy did.

First, some background. Simon Peter was a fisherman by trade. And I hope you don't have any illusions in your mind as to what this career entailed. It was not the relaxing afternoon in the sun that recreational fishers rave about. This was hard work. Being a fisherman in those days was probably the equivalent to being an oil rig worker today. It was hard, rough work; typically done by equally hard, rough people. Simon Peter was not the man you see pictured in Church murals with long flowing white robes and perfectly groomed hair. Simon Peter was a tough man. Jesus hand-picked this rough-around-the-edges man to be a part of his group. To be student, and to become a teacher. To be a friend.

There were some days, though, when I imagine even Jesus wanted to cringe, drop his face into his palms, and shake his head at Simon Peter.  Here are a few paraphrased instances directly out of the New Testament:

Matthew 14: 28-31 -- Jesus walks on water. Peter decides he wants to join him. Peter takes a couple steps across the water and begins to sink. He ends up floundering about like a fool and screaming for help.

John 13:2-11 --Jesus washes his disciples' feet as a symbolic gesture of servanthood. Peter ruins the serious moment by refusing to let Jesus wash his feet. Jesus explains (metaphorically) that he needs to do this for his disciples or they can have nothing to do with him. Peter over-compensates for his initial refusal by telling Jesus to go ahead and give him a complete bath!

Matthew 16:21-23 --Peter basically tries to tell Jesus he shouldn't have to go through with all this crucifixion/suffering-for-our-sins stuff. Jesus refers to Peter as "Satan" for inadvertently trying to tempt Him from completing the purpose He was sent to Earth for... and would have therefore essentially damned the entire human race.

Matthew 26:69-75 --After all this time and all Jesus' patience, love, and friendship to Simon Peter... Jesus comes to his hour of greatest need, and Peter denies even knowing him--not once, not twice, but three times!

I don't know about you, but if I had an aquaintance or friend who undermined the most important things I tried to do/say and then refused to even acknowledge my existence when I needed him most... I'd be pretty darn irritated. But Jesus instead chose to love this guy. Jesus gently (and sometimes not-so-gently) corrected Peter. Simon Peter ended up growing in his faith and becoming one of the most well-known and beloved biblical characters. He is even seen as the First Pope in the Catholic faith!

Jesus chose and honoured this simple man with many faults. Jesus showed patience and "tough-love" with this man who was probably not the easiest guy to get along with. God showed love and mercy to this flawed, annoying man... so we probably should do the same with the irritating people in our own lives.

But there's a bigger moral to this story than "Love Annoying People". There is greater hope to this story. God demonstrated love, patience, mercy, and forgiveness to some of the worst people you can imagine. Some were merely annoying, while others were downright evil (Hello? Have you met Paul? The Christian-killer-extraordinaire formerly known as "Saul"?)

No matter how terrible you think you or others around you are, just remember that our God has a track record of turning the biggest losers and scum-of-the-earth types into the best, most honoured Christian leaders of all time.

That is indeed a comforting thought to a Stumbler like me who has spent a lot of time feeling and acting like a Loser. :)

God,

Thank you so much for forgiving and accepting losers. It's good to know that you forgave a guy who denied your Son's existence, because I know that means you'll forgive me for the stupid stuff I do too. It reminds me that you never turn your back on people like me, even though I might occasionally turn my back on you.

I ask you, God, if you would please help me to have the same patience that Jesus had with Simon Peter when I encounter irritating or rude people in my own life. It's really difficult for me not to get frustrated with people and lose my temper.

Thanks again,
Me

Leap of Faith: Is it Wrong to Look Before I Leap?

I am a planner. I set goals and I strive for them. I am ambitious and I have hopes and dreams of success. Most people would consider these normal, healthy traits to have, right? But do these traits leave room for faith?

I recently had a conversation with my sister related to this topic. My sister and I are very different people. She's very spontaneous and always has to be doing something. I, on the other hand, am very calculating and require at least a week's notice before even considering attending an event. Keeping all this in mind, let me give you the gist of our conversation as we talked about our plans for the future.

ME:
"I want to start my career in January, have a decent home within the next year, start having kids within the next two years, finish having kids by the time I'm 32, get my Master's Degree by 35, perhaps become a school principal or get into politics after that, oh and retire before 60 and have an amazing retirement. "

SISTER:
"I'm open to wherever God leads me."

Now my visceral reaction to this comment was to get offended and feel judged. My lovely sister hadn't directly condemned my plans in any way, however she inadvertently made me feel like a bad Christian for making plans and not mentioning God at all in those plans.

So who's right? Who's wrong? I wrestled with this idea and my guilt for a few days and discussed it with a few people close to me. My guilty conscience led me to believe I wasn't completely right, however my reflections on the conversation have led me to the conclusion that I'm not wrong for making plans either.

Where did I go wrong? --I haven't been including God in my plans at all.

"5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take."
(Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT)

D'Oh! How could I miss that one? This verse was one of my absolute favourite verses growing up. I had it underlined, highlighted, transcribed, and memorized. Or how about this key verse:

"3 Commit your actions to the Lord,
and your plans will succeed."
(Proverbs 16:3 NLT)

These verses have a few things in common. First of all, they both reveal an expectation that I should, indeed, be consulting God in my plans. A-ha! But the key words there are "my plans". God does not want to be in the driver's seat in my life. I know the driver/passenger, pilot/co-pilot metaphor has been overused; however, I believe it does offer important insight into how faith and goal-setting can work together in harmony.

The first verse says God will let me know what path to take, it does not say he will lead me by the nose down that path. He does not forge the path ahead. We forge our own paths and he points to the best one (or, in some cases, points to where we should forge said path). The second verse says I should commit my actions to the Lord, and MY plans will succeed. I'm in the driver's seat in my life. Ultimately, I choose where this clunker is going! God is my passenger, and we all know what the passenger's job is---navigator!

I can plan the route for this journey, but I risk taking dangerous turns or driving around in circles if I don't consult the Almighty Navigator. God wants me have a fulfilling and successful journey. He's there to help. However, he's not about to jump into the role of backseat driver. He won't give me advice unless I ask for it. I am free to tell him to sit quiet and let me do the driving... but I then risk looking like a complete idiot as I get more and more lost in my refusal to ask for directions.

The bottom line is, God knows the destination he desires for us. He knows how to best get us to that ideal destination. We are free to make our own route planning, but if we refuse to ask the Guy holding the Map how to best get to that destination, we are probably in for a very rough ride and may not even end up in the right destination at all if we choose to kick God to the curb completely. God has the map. He sees the big picture. We can only see the road up to the horizon. We'd be stupid not to ask what's up ahead and which turns to take.

I see it this way, as long as I consult God through prayer, Bible, and seeking advice from Godly people, I can make sure my plans are in line with God's plan. Unless I'm completely out to lunch, God usually doesn't want to take over. Instead, he'd prefer to "tweak" my plans to ensure my journey continues to head in the right direction.

The other thing I need to be careful of is where I'm focusing. In my last postI talked about the "shiny things" in the ditch. I need to make sure I stay on the road for this journey.

"24 Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! 25 All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize." (1 Corinthians 9:24-25 NLT)

Nice houses, prestigious titles, fun toys, and fashionable clothes are all "shiny things" in the ditch... prizes that will "fade away". While there is nothing wrong with making a couple quick pit stops to explore a few "shiny objects", there is something very wrong with driving off the road and into the ditch and spending the whole trip dumpster-diving.

My main focus should keep me on the road. These goals include cultivating loving relationships, sharing the Truth with others, and striving to shape my life to reflect that of Jesus' example.

God,
I'm sorry for ignoring you for so long. I now realize you hold the map and you know what is coming up far beyond the horizon I can see. I'd like it if you could take a look over my road plan and help me make adjustments where necessary. Please don't let me get to the point where my pride gets in the way of asking for directions. I look so stupid and get so lost when I do that.
Thanks,
Me

Drive safe, my fellow Stumblers. Be sure to ask for directions. ;)

I Think I Have S.A.D.D.

...Spiritual Attention Deficit Disorder.

It seems as though I just can't keep focused on God, His will, and all things related to my eternal soul. I get too easily distracted by the "shiny" things life has to offer...like T.V. shows I just can't miss, or updating my status on Facebook with something witty for my friends to marvel at, or going out for dinner & movie dates with my husband. There are so many other things in this world that seem so much more...well, fun compared to daily chit-chats with God.

It's not always the entertaining things that distract me though. I am a chronic worrier. I stress out about all things--big and small. My mind constantly projects a "To Do" list across the inside of my eyelids like a CNN news reel. It gets so bad I can't sleep sometimes. My brain just won't shut itself off. What's that God? You want me to read my Bible now? Go to church?! Sorry, but I'm a little busy here. Raincheck?

The truth is, I went to church last month for the first time in 10 months. TEN MONTHS! How did THAT happen? I was born and raised in a family that--come Hell or High Water--we WENT TO CHURCH! Even when we were on summer vacations away from home, we would often find a local church to crash on Sunday mornings. But then I grew up. I got married. I moved away from home. I started going to University. Life got busy.

My faith became a childhood hobby of sorts. I was obsessed with it growing up. I was passionate, on fire! It was a priority in my life. But as I grew older and life began piling on responsibilities, the hobby dwindled down to being something I only occasionally "dabbled" in. Sunday mornings became my "sleep-in" time. Prayer became an inconvenience and, eventually, a painful struggle. I felt like a walking hypocrite.

This is my first post to this blog. I've spent too long mimicking a speed bump on the road to Christ. It's now time for me to get off my butt, dust myself off, and give those leg muscles a stretch. I want to start walking again. I'm sure there are bumps in the road ahead. I'm sure I'll stumble and fall again. But the stumbling only happens when I take my eyes off the destination and get distracted by the things in the ditch. And, shiny or not, the only thing waiting for me in the ditch is garbage.

I'm hoping there are others out there who will join me. Make sure you pack some Band-Aids. There will likely be some scrapes and bruises along the way.

"3 He will not let you stumble and fall; the one who watches over you will not sleep.
4 Indeed, he who watches over Israel never tires and never sleeps.
5 The LORD himself watches over you! The LORD stands beside you as your protective shade"
(Psalm 121:3-5)

At least we can rest assured that God is indeed there to help us up. I think all too often though I either don't see Him there--I'm too blinded by those "shiny objects" in the ditch. Or I slap His hand out of the way like a belligerent child, insisting I can do this "all by myself!" Hopefully those days are over.

God,
I'm sorry for ignoring you. I'm sorry for being such a stick in the mud. I want to get back on track. I want to be the person you want me to be. Show me how to walk this journey. Forgive me for getting distracted. Thank you for always being there for me...even when I was being a jerk or a child.
From,
Me.