Don't Kid Yourself

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." 

-James 1:19-27

This fall I joined a ladies' study group that was using Beth Moore's guide to James.  I've found her study material to be intriguing and the book of James has received new life as I read through it for the study. As you all may have clued into, I've been struggling a lot lately with balancing works-based faith and faith-based works. It is important to note, however, that there is no such thing has "worksless" faith. We all know (or should know) that "faith without works is dead" (James 2:26 NKJV).

So faith and works are closely tied. However, all of the good things that can come out of good deeds can be completely undone by one pesky thing: attitude.

This passage was one of those times where I was struck to the core. I wrestle with my attitude constantly. In fact, my attitude is the #1 reason why I'm always stumbling about in my faith--just when I think I have it all together, I trip over my own ego.

The two ways my attitude trips me up the most are:
1) Perfectionism (expecting my good deeds to earn me respect from God and peers) and
2) Anger (putting on a "religious" face in public, but lashing out when I get frustrated). 

Obviously, this passage in James slapped me across the face a few times when it came to my temper. I actually find the word temper rather ironic. In reference to emotions it is about angry outbursts, but in reference to metallurgy, or other crafts, temper actually means to bring to a proper, suitable,  or desirable state by or as by blending or admixture. My temper does everything but bring about a "desirable state!"

As a friend of mine, you'd probably never know it! I present a pretty good image. I'm cheerful and good-natured. However, if you were family... you'd know the truth! I store up my frustrations to unleash them later on those I, oddly enough, love most. I fume and tantrum. I lash out verbally. Sure, I try to blame it on being hungry or tired, but this passage makes it clear--I'm deceiving myself. If I can't keep my tongue bridled and my temper under control I'm fooling myself if I think I'm a "good Christian." 

Now, I might not smash things or lash out on a daily basis, but it's often enough that God convicted me of it as I read this passage! It is an odorous "moral filth" in my life. This is an area that I'm going to be focusing on "cleaning up". I'm going to be putting a conscious effort into bridling my tongue so that I can be an example of Christ's love. 

I need to hear God's words and listen to all of them. I can't "cherry-pick" the pleasant verses that appeal to me on any given day. God has expectations of me and I need to be living up to all of them all the time. Sound difficult? It should. In fact, it's impossible. However, I know that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13). 

I need to clean up my heart and start living a life of "true religion"-- loving everyone and caring for the marginalized. It's my job to be humble. It's my job to love the unlovable. It's my job to stop focusing on me and start focusing on God and others. 

I've heard anger defined as the resulting emotion of "one's will being thwarted." Well, if that's the case, I need to replace my will with God's so that the only anger in my life will be God's righteous indignation at the evils of this world, rather than the selfish anger of not getting my own way. 

Spring cleaning has come early in my spiritual life. Let's hope I can maintain a clean heart. 

"For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it."  

 --James 2:10

Crisis of Faith: Trying too Hard

"...the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." (Galatians 5:6b)

"You, my brothers and sisters were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh, rather, serve one another humbly in love... The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like... But the fruit of the Spirit is: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." (Galatians 5:13, 19-21, 22)

 Something that has plagued me since the very beginning of my walk with Christ is the nagging fear that I'm not "doing enough" for the Kingdom. I am constantly terrified of doing the wrong thing and have a deep desire to do what is right and to make God proud of me. Because of this fear, I often (oh, so often) fall back into the trap of works-based faith. I need to do something to make God happy! I need to find something of "Mother Theresean" proportions to accomplish for God so that he gives me a "gold star" when I get to Heaven.

I've been struggling with a great deal of anxiety over this issue recently. I've been questioning whether God really cares about me and what I might have done wrong that caused him to, seemingly, stop hearing me. My heart is in turmoil. My mind races. My eyes well up with tears and I cry out in a panic, begging God to show me what I need to do.

Someone recently pointed me towards the book of Galatians, saying, "Those believers were struggling with exactly the same things you are! I really think you should have a read through it." As I read through it during a sleepless night of anxiety, I found myself rediscovering truths that I knew, but had forgotten, and found particular comfort in Galatians 5.

I read verse 6 over and over and over again. All that matters is faith expressed through love. All that matters. Faith through love.

At my church I'm involved in a Young Marrieds group that discusses nurturing a marital relationship in Christ, and I am sometimes struck at how well marital truths fit my relationship with Christ. Something came up in conversation at our last meeting where my husband brought up the fact that spouses often swear that they would do "anything" for each other, but often "anything" is a gallant gesture of something grand, when the relationship would actually flourish better under constant small gestures of love. To quote him directly, "It's like saying, I would die for you, but I won't do the dishes."

I find that this is how my relationship with God has been. I am constantly saying, "God! I'll do anything for you! Just tell me what you need, and I'll be there! I'll die for you!" But when God asks for the simple "chore" of loving others and having faith, I wave it off and wait for the opportunity to offer a grander gesture.

Galatians really struck me in the fact that faith and love are "all that matter." If I can't have faith and love in the simple day-to-day interactions I have with people, how can I possibly expect to live a grand life of faith and love?

The second part of Galatians 5 that I quoted appeals to the "thinkers" like me who need more than just the simple statement of "faith and love." My biggest downfall is that I live too much in my head. As a teacher, I am used to giving detailed instructions of my expectations to my students and, as such, I think I expect my Teacher to give me the same. So, Galatians 5 goes on to outline what expressing faith through love looks like--and what it doesn't.

At first glance, the list of "do nots" looks extreme--- "Of course I wouldn't do that!", I say to myself. But then familiar follies of the flesh start appearing... hatred...jealousy...envy...rage...selfish ambition... 

I winced as I read those.

I need to strengthen my "faith" and "love" muscles and get the Spirit to help me out, as those sins are very much a part of my life. Maybe I should stop focusing on my "gold star" moment, and start focusing on allowing the Spirit to lead me in the simple things.

I find there is both freedom and frustration in the simplicity of being asked to have faith and, therefore, love. Freedom because my salvation doesn't depend on some amazing act on my part. Frustration because my perfectionist, academic self likes to be "best". I like to be top of my class. I like to accomplish "great things" and get awards or pats on the back. Uh---there's my selfish ambition creeping back into the picture!

I pray, with all my heart, that God would help me love. I pray that my faith would be strengthened so that I can set aside the anxieties that go along with feeling pressured to "accomplish" for God, rather than simply "living" for God. Because, as we know, all that matters is faith expressed through love.

Amen.