"Show Up, God!"

When I was going through my deepest, darkest valley to date, I would often cry out to God in excruciating pain and searing anger, "Where are you, God?? I just need You to show up! JUST SHOW UP!"

That was my prayer for months. In my despair and pain and amidst my crisis of faith, I just wanted God to show me that He hadn't abandoned me. I wanted miraculous tangible proof that He was there and that He was actually Good. I seethed when the response seemed quiet and empty, despite my pleading.

In Matthew 25:34-46, Jesus tells a parable of the King who sorts the people before Him into two groups: those that helped Him when He was in need, and those who didn't. Once He had done His sorting and commended those on His right and condemned those on His left, each group was left confused. No one remembered ever seeing the King show up in their lives, much less asking them for help! How could this be??

The King responded: "...whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me."

In reflecting on this parable recently, a question occurred to me, "Why couldn't the reverse also be true?"

While I had been demanding that my God-King SHOW UP, a flood of compassionate believers--His Children, His Body, His Dwelling, His Heart-Homes-- came knocking on my door. I had person after person after person bring me meals to nourish my body, give me hugs to soothe my suffering, and offer empathy as they listened to my pain and my anger and my confusion and wiped away my white-hot tears.

I didn't see it or understand it at the time, but God did show up. Over and over and over again. In fact, He never left. Because God doesn't just "Show Up", He abides. He dwells. He stays. And He mercifully blessed me with tangible love in the hands and arms of my brothers and sisters in Christ. God in them ministered to me. God in them.

"Do you not know that you yourselves are God's temple, and the Spirit of God dwells in you?"

(1 Corinthians 3:16)

Predestination: What is Our Destiny?

The greatest mistake and heresy Christians commit is separating tiny tidbits of scripture from larger context. Sure, some verses make great motivational posters and are just so quotable… but using a verse separated from its larger context--the chapter, the book, the culture, the grand narrative of the whole bible-- has led to countless misunderstandings (at best) and abuses (at worst). We know, after all, that the Devil himself loves to use scripture to his advantage (see the temptation of Christ; Satan quotes the Psalms to try and get Jesus to jump off a building to “prove” Himself.) so we should take care before we choose to use a verse to prove our point to others!

The question we have to ask ourselves when we are quoting scriptures is this: Am I doing this to achieve something I want or am I doing this to achieve something God wants? And to answer that question we need to have a really good understanding of who God is and what He wants!

With all this in mind, I wanted to take a look at the idea of “predestination”. Here are the most commonly used verses in regards to predestination:

“he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will” (Ephesians 1:5)

“For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.” (Romans 8:29-30)

These verses on their own have led many people to interpret this to mean that, before time, God chose a few people to be saved and a few people to go to hell. Does that sit well with you? It certainly didn’t sit well with me… but who am I to argue with scripture? Right? WRONG. Again, context is everything! But before we dive into the larger context, let’s explore a few questions first.

1. From what you know about God and the rest of the Bible, does it make sense that God only chose an elite few to be saved?
2. What is the core trait of who God is?
3. What did God intend the world to be like from the beginning? (Think Eden. If Eden is our template what should a perfect world look like?)  

These three questions are great questions to ask whenever we face strange or uncomfortable verses in the Bible. We always need to fit the ideas of a small verse into the larger context of a) The Biblical Narrative, b) The Character of God, and c) The Perfect World (Eden/Redemption).

So, let’s explore Predestination through these lenses.

1. In the larger context of the Bible, we know that God is not an elitist. In fact, he detests elitism! That is what the Pharisees were all about! “I follow the rules better than you, therefore God loves me and not you.” The same is true of many people who adhere to the idea of predestination: “I am a chosen one. You aren’t. God thinks I’m special.” We only need to look as far as the most quoted verse of the bible to debunk this idea of elitism: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, and whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” (John 3:16-17). That doesn’t sound like a chosen few, now does it? There’s a whole wide world out there!
2. Which brings us to our second question: Who is God at His core? God is love. God is grace. God is mercy. If you chose any of these as your answers, you’d quickly see the issue with the idea that God chose a few people from the beginning of time to be saved and a bunch of people from the beginning of time to burn in the fires of hell. That does not sound like a loving God to me. And it completely undermines the concept of grace-- this undeserving free gift of mercy extended to all. If we were chosen/predetermined as part of the “elite few”, then, on some level, there is no grace anymore, since we “deserved” to be saved because we were on some cosmic “it” list. In Ezekiel 33:11, it says “As surely as I live, says the Sovereign Lord, I take no pleasure in the death of wicked people. I only want them to turn from their wicked ways so they can live.” Sounds like there’s a choice here for us…
3. Lastly, what did God intend from the beginning? If we were all predestined before the beginning of time to have some chosen and some not, then God should have created a world that reflected that… but God didn’t create a world with that dichotomy from the start. He created a perfect world from the start. But a perfect world with a choice. It seems that choice plays a major role in the destiny of humanity!

So now we must ask ourselves, what do these verses of predestination really mean then? The common understanding just doesn’t jive with the larger context of the Bible, the character of God, or the redemptive story. What are we to do with these verses then? Perhaps we’ve defined predestination wrong all along. Perhaps predestination isn’t the issue, but rather our understanding of it.

Predestination can either mean that God pre-destined our physical destination (i.e. Heaven or Hell), or it can mean that God pre-destined our spiritual destination (i.e. from cursed to blessed). God has always determined that we would look like Christ… and that opportunity is available to anyone who wants it. You see, once we choose grace, there is no other possible destination-- we will be transformed from cursed to blessed, from sinner to saint, from ruined to perfected, from selfish to selfless. We will become like Christ.

Now look back at those verses on predestination. Suddenly they become clearer with these new lenses on! Both of those verses link predestination with adoption into the family of God. If we “zoom out” a little further, the verses surrounding these ones make the link between predestination and spiritual transformation that much stronger:

Ephesians 1:4-6 “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—  to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.”

What were we chosen for? Heaven? Hell? No. We were chosen before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless. To be perfect in love. And he predestined us to be his children by lovingly giving up His Son so that we could freely get that gift of grace we needed in order to get to the spiritual destination He always intended for us. But the choice is always ours as to whether or not we accept that gift.

Romans 8 continues that theme, as God predestined us to be conformed to the image of His Son. This is about spiritual destination! Not physical destination! Heaven isn’t some hot nightclub with a VIP list that mandates who’s “in” and who’s “out”. The Kingdom of Heaven is here and now and the doors have been flung wide open so that anyone who walks down the mainstreet called “Grace Way” will be transformed into a completely new person by the time they reach the throne room. God predetermined that your heart would be destined for perfection in love. Every person will be transformed from cursed enemy to adopted child and royal heir. It will happen. There’s no stopping it. No one will be rejected by God (but some will choose to reject God and deny themselves their destiny).

This is what scriptures were always meant to be! Life-giving! Not soul-crushing! It is truly Good News that God’s chosen destiny for all of us is LIFE and LOVE and ADOPTION and TRANSFORMATION! This sounds like the God I know and love. This sounds like the plan Jesus died for. This is what predestination is. We have our destiny laid out before us and we choose to move forward or not, as free agents with free will. We are not locked into a destiny void of choice, simply hopeless in our eternal destination. We are not members of an elite club of “chosen ones” that can look down our noses at the “riff raff unchosen sinners”, nor are we members of a cursed club of hopeless souls, doomed to an eternity in hell. No one is beyond the reach of God’s love. No one is “too far gone”. And no one is “elite”. But all will be made perfect in Christ. That is a predestined guarantee.

Painful Truths: Grappling with Grief

The thing I hate most about grief is that it makes me selfish. I turn inward. I cradle my pain and hold it close, even though I detest it.

Pain reveals the worst parts of me. My fear. My jealousy. My anger. My bitterness.

People are quick to offer grace to me. They tell me that it’s “understandable”, but I hate that those parts of me exist. People have praised me for my honesty, but there are times where I desperately wish I had a poker face. My heart is on my sleeve because that’s where it’s been skewered— squirming helplessly out in the open, unable to hide. For better or for worse.

Sure, my compassion shows. My love. My joy. But that same heart is also incapable of hiding its anger, its hurt, its fear. The naked truth is that I end up hurting and disappointing people. And I resent myself all the more.

Pain reveals the darkest parts of me and forces me to confront it. Will I be consumed by my own darkness, or grapple with it?

My Creator is the only one who knows how to buff out those flaws and mend the broken pieces. He is the only one who knows what the perfect version of me is supposed to be. He is the only one who can restore me, because he carries the reference picture for my fully redeemed heart.

I’ve had trouble trusting and believing. Believe me, I’ve cried the same questions as the rest of humanity: “God, are you there? Do you love me like you claim to? How can you be Good and allow this to happen?”

God did not break the world. We did. God created perfection and we wanted more.

The only way God could give us the joy of experiencing Love is by giving us a dangerous gift: free will. God gave us His heart, let us hold it in our hands, and we chose to shatter it. And in His pain, God revealed His true nature: Mercy.

Since the very first day humans broke God’s heart, He has been busy making repairs-- making things right. Unlike me, He did not withdraw or lash out in His pain. He continued to pursue. He continued to love. He continued to forgive.

Blaming God for my suffering and questioning His love would be like a child shattering a precious vase and angrily blaming his parents for the fact that his fingers got sliced on the broken shards. But my Father is there. He rushes back in every time my anger subsides, and I finally let Him in close enough to bandage my wounds.

I am loved. And because I am loved, I am being transformed. This naked, broken heart will be mended. This pain is a process that has revealed my cracks and now I can let God get to work repairing them.

And someday, when this broken world slices me open again, I hope that a new truth is revealed: I am whole. I am restored. There is no more darkness in me left to reveal because God has replaced my heart with His own. And that heart only bleeds love and mercy.

Panic Attacks and Faith

"Then he put his right hand on me and said, “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last." 

-Revelation 1:17b

It starts small. Like first changes in the waves hitting shore when there's a storm brewing in the distance. It's almost indiscernible at first. I find myself feeling a bit irritable for no apparent reason. A bit withdrawn. A bit impatient. It's easy to shrug it off as a bit of stress or a bad day.

But then the storm intensifies. The waves crest and crash with increasing violence. It becomes apparent that the storm is coming. And the fear sets in.

I've been through this storm before. And I don't want to go through it again.

But it's like running into the stormy seas and trying to hold back the frothing waves with brute strength alone. And it's never enough. The ocean of fear drives forward in its merciless march.

The first icy wave crashes over me and, as I sputter and choke at the initial shock, panic sets in. My lungs seem to shrink within me, unable to capture the air. My heart seems to take their place within my chest cavity, as it swells and strains against its cage-- its ticking beats become frantic and frenzied. I try desperately to regain my footing on the shifting sands beneath me. But I am kept off balance as wave after wave crashes over me, until I'm knocked down and swept out to sea. Helpless. Out of control. Drowning.

I withdraw to find a place to hide while I drown. I back myself into a tiny place. A dark place. A safe place. I find refuge in a closet. Or a bathroom stall. Or corner. I push my back against something solid and reach out for the walls around me.

 I close my eyes and I sob. I sputter. I gasp. I choke. The white-hot lightning of shame flashes across my mind, while the thunder of self-loathing shouts its derision in reply.

"I hate this person!"

"I don't want to be this person!"

"What a disgusting and pitiful creature you are!"

"You're weak and sniveling and incompetent!"

"How could anyone possibly love you? You're a mess!"

"You're a sad excuse for a mother/friend/wife/daughter/employee"

"You. Are. Disgusting."

"Disgusting!"

And I ride out the storm until the waves subside and leave me washed up on some familiar shore. I am left exhausted and broken. A shell. A corpse. But the relief of being left cold and numb on the ground is a welcome alternative to the unrelenting terror of the storm.

And so I lay there.

I teach myself to breathe again. I resuscitate my broken body and help my heart regain its rhythm.

I put all the broken pieces back together and hope no one sees the cracks as I return to the world and try to pretend to be whole again.


...and this is often where I think this story ends. In those dark moments I feel alone and worthless and hopeless. But the truth is, I am not alone. It is in these times my God carries me. It is in these times I am brought to prayer. It is in these times that I rely on the Father God who loves me so very much. And I realize that it's up to Him to mend those fractures in my heart and mind. I might think I'm feebly gathering the broken pieces of myself together, but it is He who holds me in His hands. It is He who not only holds me together, but continues the work of healing and repairing and renewing and redeeming-- sealing those cracks and making them disappear.

It is He who carries all the stormy seas in a teacup and has complete control over the tempest in my mind. And, as often as I have begged Him to speak "Peace, be still!" to my anxiety--to bring an instant and miraculous halt to the spiraling of my mind-- I know that He is still in control even when my circumstances don't make me feel that way.

I am loved by God. I am His. He is mine. He is in control.

Let's "Be Real" For a Minute...

"...put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." 

-Ephesians 4:22b-24

 I am often at war with myself--- with my thoughts, my emotions, my actions. I'm very open about this ongoing battle (hence this blog dedicated to my many "Stumblings"...), but sometimes I worry that I'm trapping myself in this identity and excusing myself from growing---that I'm confusing my sinful attitudes with my core identity. 

My generation glorifies "realness." We scrunch up our noses in contempt of those we deem "fake." While this attitude is rooted in a healthy desire to break down the walls of hypocrisy, sometimes I fear that it inadvertently encourages perpetual immaturity. We cry out for acceptance, but refuse to grow. We have a "take it or leave it" approach to our relationships and expect others to silently put up with us as we are or get out of our lives---with no room for humbly accepting rebuke or challenge--which results in us surrounding ourselves with like-minded "comfortable" individuals who enable us to remain as we are.

In its healthy and true form, being "real" involves confessing our shortcomings/sins and repenting of them. What does that mean? That means we acknowledge our unhealthy attitudes and we commit to change and growth. We hand them over to God and pursue Him instead. We become more like Jesus in accordance to our identity as children of God. The outcome: a more selfless and loving attitude. 

In its unhealthy and debilitating form, being "real" stops short of repentance. We have no problem confessing our shortcomings, but we neglect any responsibility for them.We use "I am" statements to fuse our attitudinal shortcomings with our core identity in an attempt to exempt ourselves from growing or changing. "I am anti-social/introverted", therefore I don't have to try to reach out and love others (they should come to me!). "I am passionate" therefore I should be excused for acting angrily or rudely (people should agree with me anyway!). "I am smart" therefore I am right (and I have nothing to learn from others!). Most of us have our core list of "I ams"--- the attitudes we hold so closely and so tightly that we get defensive or fearful if anyone even comes close to suggesting we change or grow in those areas. We shrug and declare "it's just who I am." The outcome: a more selfish and isolating attitude. 

We always have a responsibility to our actions. We can choose to be joyful, loving, patient, and gracious even when we don't feel like it. Choosing an outward action that doesn't necessarily match our inward feelings is not "being fake/hypocritical", it's maturity. Choosing an outward action that doesn't match what we say we believe is hypocrisy. And perhaps many of us "real" people are bigger hypocrites than we care to admit, because we fail to discern the difference between our feelings and our beliefs. 

A hard truth I've come to grapple with is the fact that if I'm feeling defensive (which I often do), I'm acting out of fear and pride, and not the selfless love I've been called to. There is absolutely nothing for a child of God to feel defensive about.  We are either being accused of something untrue and, by the grace of God, our lives can stand in testament to that and He will justify us, or we are being confronted with truth and have an opportunity to humbly repent and grow. Either way, there is no place for defensiveness among God's children.  As we have been instructed to "...do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, 'children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.' Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life." (Philippians 2:14-16a--- the whole chapter of Philippians 2 is actually a great reminder...)

When we boil it all down, there is actually very little we can fuse so tightly to our identities that we can honestly say "This is just who I am, there's no changing that!": I am a child of God. He has given me unique gifts to lovingly and selflessly share with this world for His glory. That's it. Even the "gifts" can change! My giftings are not my identity. My position as a child of God is who I am. Made in His image and being transformed to match the character of Christ Jesus. That is  my core "I am", my identity. All my other "labels" hang on that central identity. I am a woman, a daughter, a sister, a mother, a wife, a professional, a Canadian, a (fill in the blank)-- but I am a Christ-follower, a Christian first. A Christian woman. A Christian wife. A Christian Canadian. And that core should radically affect all other areas, not the other way around. 

Jesus may have met people where they were at, but that doesn't mean he let them stay where they were at. An encounter with Jesus was as challenging as it was amazing. It was life-altering. It required a commitment to growth and maturation. And while no one who encountered Jesus was instantly perfected, they were instantly transformed.

God, 

Give me the strength and courage to let go of the broken pieces of my sin and insecurities and exchange them for the wholeness of my identity in Christ. Transform me, Father. Bolster my faith so that I can be bold in my true identity as your daughter. 

Amen. 

I've Got This Under Control....?

I like to think I’m in control. I carefully organize, plan, and plot my personal and professional life in incremented goals and self-imposed deadlines to give myself the illusion of order in the chaos of life.

And all too often that illusion comes crashing down.

Today I found out that I am NOT pregnant. Again. Back when I thought I had control over something as simple as my own fertility choices, I planned on having four kids. I dreamed of having those four adorable little munchkins 1-2 years apart so that I could start around 23 and be done by the time I was 30. Instead, here I am, years later, with one beautiful $12,000 IVF baby and thousands of additional dollars spent in my attempts to have more. This past year alone I’ve spent MONTHS plagued by hormone-induced insanity in my pursuit of children. I’ve had two cancelled IVF cycles (due to my dysfunctional uterus), one embryo that didn’t survive its Ice Age,  and two failed IVF cycles--thanks to embryos that chose not to stick, despite being given every opportunity of making themselves at home in an eager, medication-prepared uterus.

That’s three children that didn’t come to be. Three sparks of life that failed to ignite. Three dreams shattered. I had already figured out what day they’d be due. I guessed their sex (2 of them were boys, and 1 a girl). I had begun to think of names and plan on how I was going to announce my pregnancy and how I was going to introduce them to their big sister. Plans. Goals. Dreams. Control.

And what do I do when I feel out of control? My anxiety ramps up. My temper flares on a short fuse. I try to find someone to blame for the chaos my life has become-- the meaninglessness of my suffering, the unfairness of it all. I cry, complain, and snarl at God… how could He possibly be in control? And if He is, how can He possibly be Good?

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)

Like a tantruming, entitled toddler, I throw myself onto the ground and scream in my Father’s face. How dare he defy my will? How dare he claim to know what’s best for me? How dare He?! Does He even love me anymore? Does He even care?

“Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity...No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” (Romans 8:35, 37-39)

Just like a young child who is convinced that what they want is good and they deserve to have it on their timeline, without understanding the love and good intentions of their parents, so too do I fall back into spiritual immaturity and demand my wants on my timeline and misunderstand God’s plan for me.

Control and anxiety have become indicators of pride in my life. I become self-focused and self-centered. I take my eyes off of God and aim for a different prize. I become consumed by my desire to accomplish my goals and attain my desires---and God or other people better not get in my way.

I recently came across a quote by C.S. Lewis that said, “Humility is not about thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” By that definition, I am one of the least-humble people in the world. Pride isn’t always about loud boasting. It can also be about quiet self-absorption.  I am so easily consumed by how I feel, what I want, and what others must be thinking of me, that there is often very little room left for thinking about God or the needs of others.

And I’m supposed to be leading ministry??

I often hesitate to tell anyone my struggles now that I am in charge of Family & Children’s Ministry at my church. I feel pressure to be perfect. To have it all together. To be a “prime example” of Christian living to those I lead. And yet, by attempting to control my image and attempting to put up a facade of “Christian perfection”, I fall far short of God’s standard of “perfection.” I take my eyes off of Him. I shift my care away from others and begin to only care about how I’m being perceived.

Control is a false comfort. We cannot control anything. We are utterly powerless in this life. God is the only one who can control anything, and yet we refuse to trust Him. We doubt either his competence or his goodness. We face tough times in the chaos of life and we begin to question whether God truly cares.

But the truth is, He does. It is no mistake that the bible says “Do not be afraid” more times than any other phrase. He knows that we are easily shaken by our fragile, powerless, mortal condition. He knows that we falter in our trust. (Uh, hello?... Peter nearly drowned himself after suddenly doubting the Guy walking on water in front of him...if there was ever someone to have reason to trust 100% of the time, you'd think it would be a disciple in the middle of witnessing a miracle!)

But His promises remain: He is with us. He will not leave us. He will not stop loving us. He is in control. He is eternally Great & Good, despite what our broken World would have us believe. We are challenged to persevere and grow. We are challenged to give our foolish sense of control over to God. We are challenged to believe God’s promises even when we don’t feel like it. We are encouraged to keep going and come out of our trials stronger than we went in.

I will persevere. I will be humble in the face of personal pain or chaos, because of the Spirit of God working in me. The love Jesus has already shown me is enough to motivate and sustain me. I will choose to believe that God is with me, even when times are tough.

Because “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.”

Spiritual Consumerism: What's in it for Me?

Consumerism is what drives the success of our Western society. It is the very foundation of our economic structure. Everything hinges on the buying and selling of goods and services. Advertisers spend millions upon millions of dollars in an effort to convince you that their product is something you want--- no need! We are urged, manipulated, and coerced into thinking that particular products will set us apart from the crowd and make us feel better about ourselves. We are courted and seduced by the beckoning flattery that consumerism promises. We are told that it is all about us, our pleasure, our reputation, our attractiveness, our happiness. We are told that we can be made whole by satisfying our desires and feeding our egos-- we deserve it.

And it’s all a lie.

At its core, capitalistic consumerism is benign. Any society depends on the trade of goods & services to be successful and healthy. However, this benign industrial innovation has mutated over time to become a malignant attitudinal cancer in our world. It’s infected our hearts and minds. It has carefully groomed and nurtured a dark part of our souls that has been there since the Fall of Creation: It’s convinced us that how we feel at any given moment is the utmost priority.

My biggest struggle in life is this: to get over my desperate, overwhelming, all-consuming desire to be… comfortable. I want to be emotionally, physically, relationally, financially, psychologically, and spiritually comfortable. I’ve bought into the lie that I deserve to be comfortable. I deserve to live a life that is safe, pleasant, and relatively easy. I deserve … happiness. The serpent coils around this ripe fruit and invites me to take and eat, because this is how I’ll be made whole.

I’ve bought into the lie time and time again.  

It is surprising how prevalent this attitude is among believers, isn’t it? We have the very Word of God set before us--- the Word that blatantly contradicts everything that has to do with any sort of entitlement--- and yet, we continue to believe the lie… that “we deserve”…

Entitlement grasped for forbidden fruit, because we deserved to be like God.

Entitlement raised up the stone that murdered Abel, because Cain deserved to have his sacrifice accepted.

Entitlement jeered at the Son of God--it beat and whipped him, it demanded his death-- because we deserved a Saviour that fit our expectations. We deserved Someone better than a humble carpenter! We deserved to feel like good people and not have to come face-to-face with our sinfulness!

(Oh, thank God He chose not to give us what we actually “deserve!”)

Entitlement culture continues to pervade our daily lives, including the church! How often have we criticized a worship service because we just didn’t “feel” into it? We’re entitled to have an emotional experience! We’re entitled to hear music we like!

Or perhaps we’ve jumped from church to church because we weren’t “getting anything” out of the service? Because we deserve to be spiritually fed? (Or is that "spoon-fed"?)

We’ve turned our backs on serving others because it doesn’t “feel” right. We’ve refused to give because it was difficult. We didn’t speak the Truth in Love because we were afraid of damaging our reputation or losing friends. We live a double life of going through the “Good Christian” motions on Sunday, while living a life of hedonistic selfishness the rest of the week--- because we deserve to have fun! We deserve to be happy! We deserve pleasure and comfort and appreciation and respect and excitement and entertainment… right?

“Don’t be naive. There are difficult times ahead. As the end approaches, people are going to be self-absorbed, money-hungry, self-promoting, stuck-up, profane, contemptuous of parents, crude, coarse, dog-eat-dog, unbending, slanderers, impulsively wild, savage, cynical, treacherous, ruthless, bloated windbags, addicted to lust, and allergic to God. They’ll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they’re animals. Stay clear of these people…
I can’t impress this on you too strongly. God is looking over your shoulder. Christ himself is the Judge, with the final say on everyone, living and dead. He is about to break into the open with his rule, so proclaim the Message with intensity; keep on your watch. Challenge, warn, and urge your people. Don’t ever quit. Just keep it simple.
You’re going to find that there will be times when people will have no stomach for solid teaching, but will fill up on spiritual junk food—catchy opinions that tickle their fancy. They’ll turn their backs on truth and chase mirages. But you—keep your eye on what you’re doing; accept the hard times along with the good; keep the Message alive; do a thorough job as God’s servant.” (2 Tim 3:1-5, 4:1-5, MSG)

 

Hmm. Looks like God saw this coming...

The default approach to life for our selfish, sinful hearts is to ask, “What’s in it for me?” It takes incredible effort to continually shift our perspective back to, “What’s in it for God-- and how can I help?” We feel apathetic, uninterested, stressed out, burnt out, and cynical because we’re looking at the world through self-focused lenses--- “how are we feeling about this?” We are loving, peaceful, joyful, patient, selfless, kind, generous, gracious, and faith-filled when we are looking at the world through God-focused lenses---”how is He feeling about this?”

The shift in our lives happens when we recognize the truth of what we really, truly, “deserve” in this life--- nothing. In fact, worse than nothing! We deserved to be “scrapped” as the defective, ungrateful, broken creation we chose to become! But God looks upon his foolish, naive, entitled creatures and extends His hand with an offer to restore us, redeem us, and transform us into His precious children! When we can begin to comprehend that--- even some small fraction of what that means-- our outlook is transformed! What joy! What privilege! What amazing love!

Suddenly church ceases to be about what we “get out of it”, and becomes a place to worship and to practice selfless living. Suddenly people cease to be obstacles/annoyances and begin to be precious image-bearers of God. Suddenly life’s hardships become a spiritual fitness bootcamp where we can exercise our faith “muscles” and grow stronger. Suddenly life’s goodness ceases to be taken for granted as what we “deserved” all along, and becomes precious blessings and gifts from a Good Father.

"Whoever loves the life they have now will lose it. But whoever is willing to give up their life in this world will keep it. They will have eternal life." 

(John 12:25 ERV)

God, my Father,

Help me to see the world through your eyes. Help me to see where you’re working and how I can help. Please forgive me for my warped attitude and for placing my own comfort ahead of my love for You. Help me to grow. Help me to become more like Christ. Refine my heart, so that I can live for you instead of for me. Keep me encouraged in Your work, rather than consumed by mine.

Proverbial Wisdom 2

"Then you will understand what is right and just

    and fair—every good path.

10 

For wisdom will enter your heart,

    and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.

11 

Discretion will protect you,

    and understanding will guard you." 

-Proverbs 2:9-11

The title of Proverbs 2, at least in my version, is "The Moral Benefits of Wisdom." Chapter 3 (which we will look at tomorrow) is titled "Further Benefits of Wisdom" and then Chapter 4 is titled "Wisdom is Supreme." 

I don't know about you, but I think Solomon is trying to tell us something here.... 

You wouldn't think that Wisdom needs such a pushy sales pitch. After all, when we hear the word "Wise" it generally conjures up warm fuzzy feelings of hoary-bearded grandpas and wide-eyed owls. Wisdom is generally a respected ideal. However, I've come to realize that I haven't always actually valued wisdom. I've valued being smart. Being right. 

Smart is loud. Wisdom is quiet. Smart is proud. Wisdom is humble. Smart seeks to be right. Wisdom just seeks to understand. 

This is such a tough one for me. As an academic, it's become intertwined with my sense of identity. It's so difficult to turn off the knee-jerk reaction to be "right" and flip the switch to "understand." Understanding takes time. It takes patience. It takes a willingness to give up what I want in exchange for accepting what's best. 

My husband and I jokingly call our cell phones our "argument solvers." We get into meaningless little spats over facts and inevitably, someone pulls out the smartphone and googles the answer to settle the matter. In the age of the internet, it's easy to find the "right" answer. Or even justification for what you believe is right. But google has yet to reduce wisdom to 1's and 0's in a search engine. 

True wisdom comes from God alone. Time to be a patient seeker of wisdom, rather than a snappy know-it-all.